What Is This Cow Hiding?

vendredi 16 septembre 2016

A UK cow has captured the world’s heart — even without a visible face.

The bovine’s face is blurred out on Google Streetview, Guardian opinion editor David Shariatmadari noticed. He tweeted the image on Monday, noting, “Great to see Google takes cow privacy seriously.”

By Friday, the story was everywhere. Outlets like ABC News, the BBC and NPR all questioned Google, which sent them a corny prepared statement that, even if you like puns, will probably make you want to vomit:

We thought you were pulling the udder one when we herd the moos, but it’s clear that our automatic face-blurring technology has been a little overzealous. Of course, we don’t begrudge this cow milking its five minutes of fame.

OK, fine, we won’t begrudge them some puns. That said, the real story here seems to be how nice Coe Fen looks, where you can apparently bike and frolic in an idyllic park among a bunch of adorable cows.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

What Is This Cow Hiding?

Your New Favorite TV Show Is A Former Web Series About Weed

Watch Corey Feldman Totally 'Go 4 It' In Impassioned TV Performance

Man FaceTimes Wrong Number, Makes Friends With Random Kid

Video chat is one of the best ways to keep in touch with friends ― but make new ones? Apparently, it can happen.

On Sunday, Facebook user Rell Hill posted photos of himself FaceTiming with a complete stranger who picked up when he dialed the wrong number. While most people might just hang up, these two became fast friends.

“I was trying to call my friend but called the wrong number,” Hill told The Huffington Post. Instead of reaching his friend, Hill said a “lil boy” showed up on the other end of the video call.

At first, Hill hung up on the 15 year old, thinking something had gone wrong with his phone. Then he tried again and the boy picked up once more. Despite not knowing each other, Hill says they talked for 4 to 5 minutes.

“He was just happy but like weird at the same time,” Hill told HuffPost.

“We were talking to each other like we knew each other,” Hill told BuzzFeed. “I was just like, ‘What’s up?’ ‘What are you doing?’ ‘How old are you?’”

After their FaceTime session, Hill texted his new friend to show him the screenshots he took of their conversation, along with the attention they were receiving on social media. 

The post soon went viral and was picked up by popular Instagram comedy accounts. On @fuckjerry, for instance, the photos accumulated hundreds of thousands of likes.

As for what the boy’s parents thought of the random FaceTime, Hill said everything was “cool.” He told HuffPost that he spoke with the boy’s mom the day after their video chat and she laughed about it.

We have high hopes that this unlikely pair will stay friends forever.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Man FaceTimes Wrong Number, Makes Friends With Random Kid

Join HuffPost Comedy For 'Cargo Shorts Awareness Half-Week' #YesCargo

With so many injustices in the world, it’s easy for the powerless to fall through the cracks.

Few are more vulnerable to judgment than those in the cargo short community. Pocket aficionados find themselves ridiculed for their interest in these storage wearables, and it’s time this intolerance came to an end.

It’s with great excitement that we announce the first and last annual Cargo Shorts Awareness Half-week. An abbreviated week for an abbreviated garb. Also, we just couldn’t get the funding.

Starting Sept. 19th, HuffPost Comedy and The Other Stuff will be spearheading an initiative to raise awareness about the issues surrounding our excessively pocketed brothers and sisters.

Join us for PSAs, testimonials from comedians like Judd Apatow, Dane Cook and Jen Kirkman, and a look at what the future holds for the wearers of cargo shorts.

They carry so much. But who’s going to carry them?

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Join HuffPost Comedy For 'Cargo Shorts Awareness Half-Week' #YesCargo

Ritch Shydner: Veteran Comedian And Chronicler Of The 1980s Comedy Boom

2016-09-14-1473830680-2776962-unnamed.jpg

Comedian Ritch Shydner
All photos courtesy of Ritch Shydner

Ritch Shydner's new book, "Kicking Through The Ashes: My Life as a Stand-up in the 1980s Comedy Explosion", has just been published. In the 1980s, Ritch made numerous appearances on TV, including "Late Night with David Letterman" and "The Tonight Show" with both Johnny Carson and Jay Leno. He did an HBO half-hour special, "One Night Stand."

He played Al Bundy's co-worker on "Married with Children", and made guest appearances on many other TV shows, such as "Designing Women" and "Roseanne." Ritch was able to translate his modest success on TV into an obscure film career, appearing in Steve Martin's, "Roxanne," and Eddie Murphy's, "Beverly Hills Cop II," before moving on to minor roles on smaller pictures.

Ritch wrote for sitcoms such as "Roseanne", "The Jeff Foxworthy Show," and HBO's "The Mind of the Married Man." He wrote material for Jeff Foxworthy's Grammy-nominated comedy albums, "Totally Committed," and "Big Fun." He also wrote for Ron White and Jay Leno.

In 2006, Ritch was co-author of a book on stand-up, "I Killed". In 2010, Ritch produced and performed in an award-winning documentary on the world of stand-up comedy, "I Am Comic". Currently Ritch is writing a movie adaptation for HBO of Bill Maher's book, "True Story".

While you were studying Business and Sociology at Gettysburg College, what possessed you to write, produce and star in comedy skits for parents' weekends and fraternity events?
I was appearing nightly in the fraternity TV room - heckling the TV and anyone who heckled my heckling - so the guy in charge of entertainment asked if I wanted to help with the parents' weekend show. For years, their big comedy numbers were football-players-in-drag and the old "arms" bit. Another underclassman and I staged a coup and wrote new material mocking TV commercials, the school, the parents. Everyone was pretty drunk, so it went over well. I'm sure a few people awoke the next day with a vague, uncomfortable memory of people pointing and laughing at them. It wasn't stand-up, but probably my first show of any sort. Nobody performed in my family, other than trying to get out of trouble.

During your time as a substitute teacher, did you use your classes as captive audiences to try out any stand-up comedy bits?
I mostly used the class time to recover from hangovers. I certainly wasn't creating any comedy material or even thinking of doing stand-up. Although years later, a former student told me the kids always enjoyed my shredding of any challengers. Since a substitute teacher is tested every 15 seconds, I guess my vicious counter punching for the sadistic laughter of a roomful of captive teens could be seen as decent training for future bouts with comedy club hecklers.

While you were studying law at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia, you decided to become a comedian. How did that happen?
I was a frustrated amateur comic - that might be redundant. My waking hours were largely spent scanning conversations for opportunities to crack wise, and barely getting by on those little tidbits of laughter. A classmate dragged me to a talent night at a nearby coffee house. I followed a serious poet and got exactly one more laugh than he did. Actually, it wasn't a laugh from the whole audience, or even part of it. Near the end of rambling, a guy reacted with a sound closer to a grunt than an actual laugh. Five minutes of silence from the audience was punctuated by a single "ha." Later, I replayed the cassette tape of my set - hitting "play" and "rewind" over and over, listening to that magical "ha." That brief strangled reaction from a stranger was all it took for me to try it again.

In your early stand-up days, how did you make the transition from open mic coffee houses to opening for bands?
There were no comedy clubs in DC in 1977, but every bar seemed to have a talent night, loaded with genuine Seventies singer-songwriters. At first I was an irritant, a barking piece of sandpaper on all that sensitive soul-searching. I worked hard to become tolerated. A local promoter saw me as ideal stage fodder for touring rock groups- I was cheaper than a local band, needed no stage prep and if things went really bad there was only one body to dispose of.

2016-09-14-1473830830-5460005-unnamed1.jpg

What was it like for you opening for rock bands as a comedian?
It was quite an adrenalin rush walking in front of a few hundred people who didn't know I was going to be there and had no idea of what I was about do when I barely did either. When it worked, the ego boost lasted for days. And when things went sideways, I got a great story to tell. It really wasn't about the money, which often just went to the alcohol needed to maintain the stage high or forget what just happened up there. It was all about the stage time. The art of stand-up is getting laughs from a group of people. The only way to learn how to do that is trying to get laughs from groups of people. In retrospect, the whole thing was insane. I was learning the craft, trying new jokes and generally building my act in front of 500 rock fans. That's what youth has that age can't buy.

How did you make the transition from doing stand-up comedy in Los Angeles to getting a regular role on the sit-com "Married With Children"?
You go on stage night after night making audiences laugh. Finally, someone says, "Hey, he's pretty funny up there. Let's see if he can be funny over here." I took acting classes, but honestly I wasn't that good an actor. I never got that in-the-moment freedom performing someone else's words with other actors that I could performing my stand-up. The best that I could do was to act like I was acting, but that was good enough to get a few residual checks. There is nothing better in Hollywood than residual checks. It's the pony in the pile of manure.

You were married to comedian/comedy writer Carol Leifer, who is now married to a woman. Did that turn of events surprise you?
Two women falling in love might have surprised me in junior high school but by the time I heard about Carol and Lori, I had seen a rodeo, a World's Fair, and a moon landing. There were a few hacky nozzleheads who joked that I turned Carol gay. If I had that kind of power over people, I would have dropped comedy, started a church and made some real money a long time ago. I only wish Carol happiness, as I do any woman unfortunate enough to tangle with the younger me.

You've done the Carson, Letterman and Leno shows? What was your overall experience doing each? Which was more fun? More nerve-wracking? Better for your career?
There was nothing more nerve-wracking than my first Carson shot in 1984. I broke out in shingles - painful, open sores - and couldn't sit down for days before the show. When I walked on that stage for the first time my right hip and butt were covered with medicated pads. I think Carson gave me credibility with my parents and Letterman with my peers. I was probably most comfortable with Jay because I knew him off stage. I don't think any particular talk show appearance meant more to my career than any other. It was just a totality, with each appearance saying, "Here I am. Still here. Here."

You returned to stand-up after 13 years of retirement? Why so long? What did you do during that time?
I don't know if I ever called it a retirement. I think for there to be a retirement, your co-workers have to know you're no longer there. The comics ahead of me in line didn't know I was gone and the people behind me just took a step forward. After my last failed sitcom in '93, I started writing for TV and performing less until one day I was no longer doing stand-up. I left the stage for regular appearances in the psychiatrist's office, swapping laughter for medication. Those lost years were a lesson in what stand-up really meant to me.

Who are the older and younger comedians who you admire/influenced you/make you laugh?
I've been influenced by every comic I ever watched, whether they were good or bad. As for comics I admire, it can be categorical. Albert Brooks is The Natural, with a preternatural genius for funny. Jerry Seinfeld has more passion for, and insight into, stand-up than anyone. Bill Maher is the most fearless satirist, in the Mark Twain lineage. I admire Jeff Foxworthy as a comic, but even more so for how he lives his life off stage. Younger comedians... I'm 63 now, so that's a pretty big group. In the 90's, Chris Rock just blew me away, a one-man new wave. Bill Burr, Louis CK and Sarah Silverman are classic killers. My oldest daughter and I share a love for Maria Bamford, with characters and voices on a Lily Tomlin level. I love how Jeffrey Ross reinvigorated the roast, and insult humor.

Before I ever thought of taking the stage, the people who shaped my funny, or modeled stand-up were Robert Klein, Groucho Marx, Phyllis Diller, George Carlin, Alan King, Kelley Monteith, Lenny Bruce, Peter Sellers, Richard Pryor, Albert Brooks, WC Fields, Art Carney, Red Skelton, and my dad. When I first started doing stand-up, I learned much from the comics I saw every night in the New York showcases; Jerry Seinfeld, Gilbert Gottfried, Bill Maher, Larry Miller, Rich Hall, Kevin Rooney, Glenn Hirsch, Kelley Rogers, Garry Shandling, and Rick Overton.

You've also written for sit-coms. How did that experience compare to or help/hinder your own stand-up act?
In grade school there were comments on my report card, such as "Ritchie does not pay well with others," that foreshadowed problems in the writers' room. The transition for any comic can be difficult. A stand-up controls every aspect of his or her performance - the writing, directing, editing and costuming. You walk into that writers' room and suddenly someone else is telling you what is funny. It can mess with your confidence and stand-ups need to have a certain sense of invincibility when taking the stage. But the trade-off was the money, and being home to see my kids grow-up.

You are listed as one of the comics organizations can hire on the Recovery Comics website. Can you talk a bit about your recovery? To what were you addicted? How did it affect your life? For how long? How did you get through it?
I was a pretty fear-ridden kid. When I started drinking at 12 it immediately emboldened me, so the search was on for more. I preferred whiskey and cocaine, but was always willing to try anything that might shut down those negative voices in my head. Eventually the alcohol and drugs that gave me so much freedom became a prison sentence. Even when it took away my most prized possession, my sense of humor, I couldn't stop. An old drinking buddy took me to a group of people whose only purpose was to stay sober and help others do the same. I did what those people did, and it worked. That was over 31 years ago and I still love hanging with those people. They're easy to find. Just say you want to quit alcohol and drugs out loud enough times and someone will point you in the right direction.

What other jobs have you had besides show business ones?
Mostly the jobs were while in school - recapping truck tires, constructing sewage lines, pumping gas, handyman, beer-and-shot bartending. Anyone who knows me laughs at the thought of me as a "handyman." I'm terrible with my hands, lacking even basic carpentry or mechanical skills, or the patience to do the simplest jobs properly. More than once, I tried to change a light switch without going to the basement to turn off the power. A friend once witnessed the electricity throw me across the room and laughed for five minutes. As long as I got the laughs. Plus, a resume filled with dead-end jobs kept the what-if's to a minimum. When you're all alone in some cheap roadside motel after grinding your way through a nasty one-nighter... those what-if's can make it a long night.

Your one choice for each of the following to take to a desert island?
Movie: Dr. Strangelove.
Book: How to Make Friends and Influence People.
Album: Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs, by Derek & The Dominos.
Food: Spaghetti and marinara sauce with mushrooms and onions.
Anyone in history for conversation: Abraham Lincoln
Anyone in history for romance: Madeline Kahn
Superpower: Flight. And I'm off the island. Oh. Maybe this is a trick question. Come on, I'm just an old comic. Take it easy.

2016-09-14-1473830786-6136246-unnamed11.jpg
Tell us about your upcoming book, Kicking Through the Ashes. And what's the significance of the title?
Years ago, Phyllis Diller suggested I write a book on the history of stand-up comedy. Taking on the entire history of stand-up comedy became too much but I thought maybe I could chronicle my era, the 1980's Comedy Boom. As for the title, I was always struck by the image of a house burned to the ground and someone kicking through the ashes hoping to find something of value. My career was the house... my bitterness, the fire... and the book, my salvage.

What did you learn from your 2010 documentary movie, "I Am Comic", in which you traveled around the country interviewing comedians?
That if I didn't start doing stand-up again I was a dead man, or deader man.

Which actors do you most admire?
To me the best are magicians, my favorites are the ones where I can't spot the trick - Daniel Day-Lewis, Meryl Streep, Robert Duvall, Robert DeNiro, Kate Winslett, Robert Downey Jr., Gary Oldman, Michael Fassbender, Robin Wright.

What was your fallback plan if stand-up comedy did not work out?
Once I ditched the law, nothing else was ever considered. An acting teacher, Jeff Corey, once instructed everyone in our class to write on a piece of paper whatever we would do if the acting didn't pan out. Afterward he said something to the effect that anyone who wrote a job other than acting might as well go do that job now. It was his experience that the only people who made it in the acting business were the ones who truly believed they couldn't do anything else but act. I had written "stand-up," so when the class ended I was probably the only one who didn't want to drive the car into Malibu canyon.

How has your stand-up act changed from when you first started doing it?
It's less athletic. The younger me was so much more physical on stage, but I do believe I have better material now. I'm like the aging pitcher who, losing his fastball, had to get sharper with his other pitches.

What's left on your bucket list?
Write a screenplay that becomes a movie.

What was your experience like being a staff writer on "Roseanne"?
I called Roseanne in February 1993, knowing it was mid-season but hoping to lay the groundwork for a job the next fall. She told me to report to the studio the next day to begin work as a sitcom staff writer. It wasn't till later I realized that I was abandoning my leaky little pirate ship to become a well-fed galley slave. Fear feeds on dreams.

What's the most memorable performing experience and/or romantic experience you've ever had?
I can combine the two, if you let me stretch the definition of romantic experience - having sex backstage at the Comedy Workshop in Austin as I'm being introduced.

What is one thing about you that people would be surprised to know?
While giving a speech in high school I lost my place and sat down in tears.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Ritch Shydner: Veteran Comedian And Chronicler Of The 1980s Comedy Boom

Amy Schumer Lost Weight So She Wouldn't 'Hurt People's Eyes' When They Watched 'Trainwreck'

6 Documentaries You Should Watch 'Now!'

This New Free Donald Trump Mobile Game Will Rule Your Weekend

Orange you glad you now have plans this weekend?

A new game called “Jrump,” which just debuted in the iOS and Android app stores, has players trying to help President Donald Jrump escape a ruined America and “make the galaxy great again.”

How do you do this? As the character says in the game’s trailer, you’re going to help him jump as high into sky as he can by bouncing “on [Jrump’s] favorite things in the world ... walls!”

Essentially you draw magically appearing walls underneath a bouncing Jrump making him climb higher and higher away from America, while also trying to avoid obstacles such as scientists and Hillary Clinton.

Tom Bellamy, one of the game’s creators, told The Huffington Post that he and his team got the inspiration after hearing Trump go on, yet again, about how a wall would solve America’s problems. “We began to discuss how funny it would be to make a game focused around his love of walls and the apocalypse that might happen following his election,” said Bellamy.

Bellamy and his team created “Jrump” in 12 weeks of “very little sleep,” but are now excited to see if Trump will play it himself.

“We think Donald’s small, nimble hands would make him great at this game,” said Bellamy.

The game has a very good-looking style, reminiscent of the characters in the popular “Two Dots” universe. The gameplay is also similar to the amazing “Ridiculous Fishing” from 2013.

“Jrump” is bound to become your new favorite game as you find yourself wanting an absurd escapist fantasy while heading into the inevitable chaos of the election’s final stretch. Check out how the game looks below.

 Here’s gameplay footage:

Let's block ads! (Why?)

This New Free Donald Trump Mobile Game Will Rule Your Weekend

Marcus Scribner Of 'Black-ish' Wants To See More Black Nerds On TV

Old People Problems (Red State Update Podcast 201)

Hillary is sick! Is it pneumonia or every sickness known to man? What will the debate be like? What about the adult diapers? Whose blood waters the whatevers of liberty? The Yankee governor of Kentucky knows! Sort of. Also: Who's in the basket of deplorables? Jackie and Dunlap probably.

Sponsors? Uncle Spiffy Marlin's Haircuts and Handshakes and Dom Podge's Church Accountant School.

Podcasting from a bunker underneath Jackie's Market in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, Jackie Broyles and Dunlap yell about Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, liberals and conservatives, Never-Trumps and Bernie bros, fake local sponsors, real national politics, pop culture and the 2016 presidential election. If you like sophisticated satire, nuanced political humor, and redneck shitkicking hillbilly country comedy Hee-Haw moonshine outhouse Blue Collar donkey cartoon face, this is the podcast for you. I mean "y'all."
http://ift.tt/2d5JwoW

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Old People Problems (Red State Update Podcast 201)

What's Not Funny?

There are certain things that you can't or are not supposed to joke about and when you do you receive the remonstrative "that's not funny!" followed by a disconcerting disengagement by the offended party. That's may have been what George Carlin was trying to avoid when he cancelled "I Kinda Like it When a Lotta People Die," which was filmed on September 10, 200l. The special is finally seeing the light of day ("George Carlin's lost pre Sept. ll routine gets new life on CD," CNN, 9/12/16). Which brings us to the case of the Muslim marine recruit who was put in an industrial level dryer by his drill sergeant at Parris Island ("Marines Scrutinize a Culture of Toughness After a Muslim Recruit's Death," NYT, 9/14/16). It's a horrific bit of abuse, but there's also something undeniably humorous in it. It's the kind of black humor that goes into make a musical like The Producers with its "Springtime for Hitler," or Wally Shawn's Aunt Dan and Lemon. Horror becomes the butt of satire. After all putting someone in a dryer is not too far from "hanging them out to dry" and the blustering drill sergeant has always been a source of comedy. Phil Silvers made a big hit of Sergeant Bilko back in the 50's. Still you have to ask yourself how far is putting someone in a dryer from putting them on a leash like in Abu Ghraib or, for that matter, in an oven. But rather than silencing the laughter, maybe when things reach a certain level of grotesquery, the only thing to do is laugh. Alfred Jarry was prescient in Ubu Roi. His tyrannically comical character bears an uncanny resemblance to the preposterous rantings of dictators like Kim Jong-un and Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe.

{This was originally posted to The Screaming Pope, Francis Levy's blog of rants and reactions to contemporary politics, art and culture}

George Carlin in l969 (ABC TV)

Let's block ads! (Why?)

What's Not Funny?

This Man's Genius Nap Machine Is The 3 p.m. Solution We All Need

These #MyTeacherIsWeird Tweets Prove Teachers Are The Funniest

School can easily be the most boring time in your entire life, so this is an ode to all you weirdos out there shaping the minds of our nation’s youth.

To the teachers who endure crappy pay and snot-nosed kids but still commit to a joke so much that they rip their pants, Jimmy Fallon’s latest hashtag, #MyTeacherIsWeird, salutes you. 

Normally, students are the ones getting the grades, but for your efforts to keep us from getting bored out of our minds, today, it’s you who are getting the A.

(We can’t do anything about the crappy pay, but, hey, everyone likes As, right? P.S. Sorry our noses are so snotty.)

”The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET on NBC.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

These #MyTeacherIsWeird Tweets Prove Teachers Are The Funniest

Removing One Word From These Political Headlines Makes Them Completely Disturbing

Presidential campaign headlines tend to be unremarkable. They disappoint readers desperate for attention-grabbing passages, desperate to read about the the lack of politically correct restraint they’ve become accustomed to seeing in go-for-the-gut political races.

In an effort to refine the skills of headline writers, TV anchormen and political pundits, The Huffington Post has randomly selected topical headlines and removed a single word from each. Participants are invited to workshop the headlines below by adding a punchy or emotive word, similar to the fill-in-the-blanks “Mad Libs” worksheets of school days past.

What a difference a word can make. Now get your mind out of the gutter, you sicko!

DISCLAIMER: This word game is not intended to encourage political mudslinging. Inferred sexual innuendos are coincidental and unintentional. Restraint should be exercised, as the power of gutter politics could be diminished from overuse.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Removing One Word From These Political Headlines Makes Them Completely Disturbing

Jimmy Kimmel Would Rather Eat Bull Penis Than Answer James Corden's Questions

Talk show hosts James Corden and Jimmy Kimmel squared off Thursday on ”The Late Late Show” in a game of “Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts.” Each had to answer questions truthfully ― or eat something truly extreme.

There was no doubt who the adventurous gourmet was. Before the game even started, Kimmel downed a mouthful of pig blood curd. He then avoided a few questions by drinking ghost pepper hot sauce and munching on bull penis.

Kimmel also served up the most uncomfortable query of the game: “Were you as miserable doing ‘Carpool Karaoke’ with Britney Spears as it looked like you were?”

Corden didn’t require a shot of ghost pepper hot sauce to sweat out that one.

h/t Uproxx

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Jimmy Kimmel Would Rather Eat Bull Penis Than Answer James Corden's Questions

Jimmy Fallon Completely Messed Up Donald Trump's Hair

jeudi 15 septembre 2016

Donald Trump spoke about his health, his rising poll numbers and his disdain for the media on “The Tonight Show” Thursday night. But what the audience really ate up was the “hair moment.”

The coiffed Republican presidential candidate let host Jimmy Fallon do something “that’s just not presidential ... something we can do now that we’re both just civilians.”

“Can I mess your hair up?” Fallon asked.

Surprisingly, and to raucous applause, Trump agreed. Then he asked the people of New Hampshire, where he was headed for a speech, to understand his disheveled appearance.

Trump also commented on the “grueling, but at the same time ... very satisfying” presidential race, and said the experience had been “fun” and “amazing.” His only criticism: the “vicious” media.

Although the Trump campaign released a statement late Thursday saying the candidate no longer questioned President Barack Obama’s citizenship, it’s unlikely he’ll be doling out an apology any time soon.

“I don’t love apologizing,” Trump said. “I’m not thrilled about apologizing, but I’ll apologize if I’m wrong.”

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Jimmy Fallon Completely Messed Up Donald Trump's Hair

New Footage Shows Why Hillary Really Had A Coughing Fit

In an exclusive clip from Seriously TV, we finally learn the source of Hillary Clinton’s coughing fits. It’s not pneumonia, but rather a perfect example of her questionable decision-making skills: the former Secretary of State tried the cinnamon challenge in the middle of a speech. 

As Americans, we expect more out of our leaders, and this is not behavior becoming of someone running for president.

Will she bounce back from such a disastrous cinnamon nightmare?

Let's block ads! (Why?)

New Footage Shows Why Hillary Really Had A Coughing Fit

Purse Snatcher Messed With The Wrong Damn 86-Year-Old

An alleged New York purse-snatcher got what was coming to her after she tried to rob an 86-year-old woman in a wheelchair. Bernice Starnes says she was sitting outside her Bronx apartment Sunday afternoon when a woman approached to make some polite small talk before grabbing her purse and running off.

The octogenarian says she was unable to chase the woman, but still got to have her moment in telling the thief off in a spunky interview with PIX 11 News. 

“She wanted to hurt me and the b**** don’t even know me,” Starnes told the news station.

Luckily for Starnes, the entire encounter was caught on surveillance video and police were able to ID the suspect. Thirty-seven-year-old Adrianne Terry was arrested and charged with grand and petit larceny. Though the suspect denied the crime to news crews, Starnes isn’t having any of it. 

She plans to attend the arraignment and says she hopes the woman is in jail “for the rest of her freaking life.” 

Starnes clearly wasn’t impressed that the suspect tried to take advantage of her age.

“I’m 86-years-old, I’m not exactly a spring chicken,” Starnes told CBS New York. “Why would you want to rob me? I’m in a damn wheelchair.”

Seriously, robbers. You should know better than to mess with older people. In another case, an 81-year-old woman chased down purse snatchers by slamming into their getaway car earlier this year. And we’ll never forget the 92-year-old woman who kicked a home intruder right in the face. 

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Purse Snatcher Messed With The Wrong Damn 86-Year-Old

"The Breakfast Club"

By Jerry Zezima

Because I am so culinarily challenged that both the fire department and the nearest emergency room have to be on alert whenever I try to get creative in the kitchen, I will never be a short-order cook.

But my 3-year-old granddaughter, Chloe, has all the ingredients to be one: She's short, she follows orders and, as it turns out, she can cook.

I discovered this recently when Chloe stayed overnight with me and my wife, Sue, who's pretty hot in the kitchen. She does all the cooking in our house with the exception of Saturday morning breakfast, which I make for myself because Sue, perhaps wisely, thinks it's safer to have just a muffin and a cup of coffee.

I prefer to have a lot to eat because breakfast is one of my three favorite meals of the day. So I fire up the stove and make eggs and sausage.

On this particular morning, Chloe was there to lend a little helping hand.

First, we got up, which is always recommended if you want to have breakfast or, generally, a long life. On weekends, I like to sleep in (which is better than sleeping out, especially if it's raining) and get up in time to have a late breakfast. The best thing about having a late breakfast is that as soon as you're done, it's time for lunch.

Chloe, on the other hand, likes to get up with the chickens, whose eggs we would be using to make an early breakfast.

We chose two eggs, a white one and a brown one.

"The brown one has a nice tan," I told Chloe.

"A nice tan!" she repeated.

Then she got her little step stool, which she ordinarily uses to wash her hands after going potty, and brought it into the kitchen. She stepped up so she could reach the counter and, carefully following my instructions, which I often don't follow too carefully myself, cracked the white egg. It started to run, so I helped her dump the contents, including a few small pieces of shell, into a glass bowl.

"Be careful or the yolk will be on you," I said.

Chloe didn't get Poppie's lame joke, but she giggled anyway.

She did the same when I said, "Don't shoot until you see the whites of my eggs."

Sue, who was within earshot, rolled the whites of her eyes.

We repeated the process (minus the jokes) with the brown egg.

Next I asked Chloe to place three sausage links in a pan. Only two came out of the box.

"Where's the other one?" I asked Chloe. "It must be the missing link."

At this, Sue exited the kitchen.

Chloe fished the third link out of the box and placed it in the pan, which I put on the stove. I turned on the heat.

"Be careful, Honey," I said. "It's hot."

"It's hot, Poppie!" Chloe declared as she turned her attention back to the eggs, which she whipped into a creamy mixture with a whisk. She did a much better job than I usually do.

Then I got another pan, into which Chloe poured the eggs. I put the pan on the stove, next to the one with the sausage, and returned to the counter to slice a bagel before putting it in the toaster.

"Do you know what kind of bagel this is?" I asked Chloe. When she was stumped, I said, "Poppie seed!"

"Poppie seed!" she echoed with a big smile.

After Chloe used a wooden spoon to stir the eggs in the pan to a perfect consistency, I placed them, along with the sausage and the toasted bagel, on a plate. Then we went over to the kitchen table, where she sat on my lap to share a delicious breakfast.

I wouldn't be surprised if Chloe got her own cooking show. Until then, I can proudly say that making eggs with her is a delightfully mad scramble.

Stamford Advocate humor columnist Jerry Zezima is the author of three books. His latest is "Grandfather Knows Best." Visit his blog at http://ift.tt/1hRQWXU. Email: JerryZ111@optonline.net.

Copyright 2016 by Jerry Zezima

Let's block ads! (Why?)

"The Breakfast Club"

Trevor Noah Blasts Missouri Law That Requires No Gun Training

“Daily Show” host Trevor Noah has questions about a Missouri law approved Wednesday that allows many people to carry concealed guns even if they haven’t undergone the training for a permit.

“If shit goes down and suddenly everyone pulls out a gun, how do the cops know who to shoot?” Noah said on Wednesday’s show. “I mean obviously the black guy first. But after that, who do they shoot?” 

As long as the states wants to live dangerously, Noah suggested it do away with meat inspection as well.

But at least Missouri can rest easier knowing that its streets are not overrun by untrained “master naturalists.”

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Trevor Noah Blasts Missouri Law That Requires No Gun Training

Professor John McIntyre's Brutally Honest 'Trigger Warning' For New Students Of His 'Dull' Class

Some professors go over the syllabus during the first classes of the school year. Loyola University Maryland’s John McIntyre has a more unconventional approach. 

The professor deadpans in the video below what he describes as a “trigger warning” for new students on the first day of his copy editing class at the university’s Department of Communication. 

“This is going to be a difficult class,” he says. “And part of what is going to be difficult in this class is that if you are like the 700 or so students who have preceded you here, you are wobbly in English grammar and usage.”

McIntyre goes on to warn that the course is “unrelievedly, thoroughly, appallingly dull.”

He cites one student who complained in an evaluation that McIntyre did the same thing over and over, day after day.

“And that is exactly it,” McIntyre says. “Editing is done word by word, sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph and it is done that way every time.” 

Since The Baltimore Sun posted McIntyre’s introductory statement online, his “trigger warning” video has garnered more than two million views.

Be sure to watch the entire video to the end, when McIntyre finishes with the perfect ending for a first class.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Professor John McIntyre's Brutally Honest 'Trigger Warning' For New Students Of His 'Dull' Class

Red State Update: Dicking Bimbos

mercredi 14 septembre 2016

[unable to retrieve full-text content]

Jackie and Dunlap on Colin Powell's email hack. Dunlap can't quit saying "dicking bimbos." But then, neither can you, probably. Also: Trump, Hillary, Bush, goats, Dr. Oz, Colin Kaepernick.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Red State Update: Dicking Bimbos

Gawker May Be Dead, But Gawken Is Giving Us Life

When one great website dies, another one emerges from the ashes.

After Gawker shut down because of Hulk Hogan and billionaire PayPal co-founder Peter Thiel, there has been a gaping hole in the internet. A hole that the website Gawken isn’t attempting to fill, but is certainly trying to make us feel better about.

Gawken promises visitors that it will “open your mind to the future,” and let us tell you: it’s doing a damn fine job at that so far.

The Medium-driven site is hosting some really fantastic pieces of journalism. Here’s a smattering of our favorites:

The site is run by Peter Theil ― a mustachioed-man who calls himself a “Silicon Valley media entrepreneur” ― and “a series of text-generating algorithms.”

We spoke to Theil and he said he’s “currently running the site out of [his] office at home, and plan[s] on moving into a larger dedicated office space in Palo Alto once they finish installing the indoor drainage system.”

Theil told us the site was created because he wants to expand people’s minds.

“The people who live outside Silicon Valley are terrified of the future ... I believe we can use technology to open their minds to the future.”

Clearly at the forefront of the tech world, Theil’s fridge, who spells his name “Peter Thiel’s Fridge,” even writes for the soon-to-be-iconic site. Actually, the list of all the site’s writers is pretty solid:

Gawken clearly has the makings of the next Gawker and we’re hyped to see where it’ll go. The NOT PayPal co-founder Peter Theil even told us:

“Gawken will not rest until we reach the future (so fairly soon, probably).”

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Gawker May Be Dead, But Gawken Is Giving Us Life

If Parents Praised Their Friends The Way They Praise Their Kids

Parenting involves a lot of positive reinforcement for even the smallest accomplishments. But the emphatic way that so many parents gush over their children certainly would sound strange in any other context. 

In a hilarious new video, the moms of the BreakWomb show what it would sound like if a group of parents enthusiastically praised each other the way they do with their kids.

“Molly, that’s a big and impressive word!” one mom says to her friend during a casual conversation. “You amaze me! How did you learn that word?”

“That was beautiful, and I loved it with all my heart. And I love you,” she remarks after another mom sings part of a song. The rest of the video is punctuated with exclamations of “good job!”, “you are so special!” and “you made me feel so proud!”

In short, the situation is hilariously bizarre.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

If Parents Praised Their Friends The Way They Praise Their Kids

Mother And Daughter's Late-Night Tampon Run Convo Is Pure Gold

If Lorelai and Rory Gilmore ever went on a late-night tampon run, this is probably how it would go. Arkansas mom Belinda Hankins posted a hilarious text exchange with her daughter Sunday during what turned out to be a very eventful trip to a local Walmart to pick up some feminine hygiene necessities.

“THIS was the highlight of my parenting week,” Hankins wrote in a Facebook post. 

Hankins had her 13-year-old daughter run in to buy some tampons ― a task that didn’t go as smoothly as planned. Diapers, lube, condoms and even joint braces were easily found. But nope, not the pads and tampons. Seriously, why are feminine hygiene products so hard to find? Hankins and her daughter seem to know the secret.

“Vaginas are SECRET,” Hankins texted. 

To which her daughter hilariously responded:

“Seriously, why are men so afraid of women and vaginas? Do they think if they acknowledge their existence we will shoot our laser estrogen beams out of our eyes at them and disintegrate them?”

The post has since gotten over 57,000 shares and thousands of likes, but Hankins said in a follow-up post that she’s also come across some trolls who are questioning her parenting skills.

All we can say is that she’s raising a seriously clever daughter.

Check out the full conversation and remember her daughter’s important lesson: “SMASH THE PATRIARCHY.”

Suggest a correction

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Mother And Daughter's Late-Night Tampon Run Convo Is Pure Gold

Turns Out 80 Percent Of Eyeglasses Are Controlled By A Single Company

When it comes to eyeglasses and sunglasses, you often either lose them or they break easily. And most of the time, the cheaper frames are just as good as designer pairs.

And here’s proof ― they’re probably both made by the same company. 

Emily Axford, co-host of TruTV’s “Adam Ruins Everything,” points out in the video above that the whole thing is rigged, explaining that 80 percent of brands ― luxury and affordable ― are owned by one company: Luxottica. And this company controls pretty much the entire eyewear market, from the frames themselves to the stores where we buy our glasses, to even some of our health insurance.

Persol? Luxottica. Prada? Luxottica. Ray Bans, Ralph Lauren, Versace and Michael Kors? Luxottica makes glasses for them all.

Axford says this virtual monopoly gives Luxottica the “power to drive up the price of glasses for everybody, sometimes charging as much as 20 times what they cost to produce.”

So whereas Luxottica could technically just label everything “Luxottica,” they won’t, because Axford states: “What Luxottica is really selling you is the illusion of choice.”

May you see the world a little more clearly now.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Turns Out 80 Percent Of Eyeglasses Are Controlled By A Single Company

This Company Says Astrology Could Determine Your Pooping Habits

A plumbing company is suggesting that the stars may have a big impact on what happens where the sun don’t shine.

Mr. Rooter Plumbing created an infographic to flush out how a person’s zodiac sign poo-portedly influences their bathroom habits.

Anyone expecting a big data dump might be disappointed. A company spokeswoman said officials looked at basic traits of each astrological sign and extrapolated how they might affect a person’s pooping style.

For instance, Tauruses are supposedly homebodies who prefer to wait until they get home to drop a deuce, while loud-and-proud Leos alllegedly announce their bathroom business to the world.

Let us know if you think there’s any validity to these findings. We suspect someone’s being facetious (with the emphasis on “feces”).

Let's block ads! (Why?)

This Company Says Astrology Could Determine Your Pooping Habits

What It's Like To Date As An Introvert, In 11 Awkward Comics

Dating as an introvert can be awkward because it requires you to do things you’d normally avoid: Meet new people, keep small talk going for a prolonged period of time, talk about yourself. No, no, no.

Illustrator Maureen “Marzi” Wilson, the woman behind the comic series Introvert Doodles, captures the pitfalls of dating as an introvert perfectly. In true introvert fashion, Wilson’s character is often thrilled to be alone. 

“You’ll notice that she’s often single and happy about it, though she’s occasionally on the prowl, and sometimes in a relationship. I’ve been in all those situations!” Wilson told The Huffington Post. 

Check out some of our favorites doodles about single life below, and be sure to check out Wilson’s book Introvert Doodles, which is available now for pre-order on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Let's block ads! (Why?)

What It's Like To Date As An Introvert, In 11 Awkward Comics

Kristen Bell Has The Cheap Labor Your Company Is Looking For: Women!

Is your business not as profitable as you’d like it to be? If only there was a way to get cheap labor here in the United States ...

Well, now there is! With Kristen Bell’s Pinksourcing, you’ll get the cheapest, most affordable workforce in America: Women!

Bell may joke, but women’s rights — equal pay, maternity leave, healthcare — are still something we struggle with as a nation. This is the first episode in HuffPost’s new series, “Celebs Have Issues,” where famous people use comedy to raise awareness about important issues.

Learn more about empowering girls by going to I Am That Girl, an organization that helps women build confidence in who they are, and ignore the daily messages attacking them for who they are not.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Kristen Bell Has The Cheap Labor Your Company Is Looking For: Women!

Prince William Has Unexpectedly Strong Feelings About 'The Great British Bakeoff'

We don’t know about you, but a “thinks it will still be good” from Prince William is enough convincing we need to sleep easy tonight.

To make matters more adorable, the exchange went down while he was ― wait for it ― decorating a cupcake.

Oh, excuse us ― “trying” to decorate a cupcake. Nothing like good old British dry shade, eh?

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Prince William Has Unexpectedly Strong Feelings About 'The Great British Bakeoff'

This Guy Gave People A 'Sneak Peak' At The iPhone 7, But Joke's On Them!

By now, you’ve all seen the new iPhone 7. But before its big reveal, people had no idea how it would look or what it could do.

One clever devil, comedian Ross Everett, gave a few Apple fans an early look at the iPhone 7. The only thing is ... it wasn’t the iPhone 7 at all!

Let's block ads! (Why?)

This Guy Gave People A 'Sneak Peak' At The iPhone 7, But Joke's On Them!

This Desperate Dad Is Trying To Ward off The Terrible Twos

[unable to retrieve full-text content]




Parents are familiar with “the terrible twos,” a frightening phase of toddlerdom. Now, this desperate dad is trying to find a way to prevent “the terrible twos” from invading his home.


For his latest “New Father Chronicles” video, La Guardia Cross interviews his daughter Amalah, who is just two months shy of her second birthday.


“I’ve been hearing a lot of scary stories about 2-year-olds,” Cross says. He then launches into an interrogation, asking Amalah if she’s feeling any physiological changes within her as she approaches the dreaded age.


Unfortunately, he doesn’t quite reach a solution. Good luck anyway, La Guardia!

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

This Desperate Dad Is Trying To Ward off The Terrible Twos

Kristen Bell Has The Cheap Labor Your Company Is Looking For: Women!

[unable to retrieve full-text content]

Is your business not as profitable as you’d like it to be? If only there was a way to get cheap labor here in the United States ...


Well, now there is! With Kristen Bell’s Pinksourcing, you’ll get the cheapest, most affordable workforce in America: Women!





Kristen Bell may joke, but women’s rights — equal pay, maternity leave, healthcare — are still something we struggle with as a nation. This is the first episode in HuffPost’s new series, “Celebs Have Issues,” where famous people use comedy to raise awareness about important issues.


Learn more about empowering girls by going to I Am That Girl, an organization that helps young women build confidence in who they are, and ignore the daily messages attacking them for who they are not.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Kristen Bell Has The Cheap Labor Your Company Is Looking For: Women!

Veterans Who Fought To Protect Kaepernick's Right To Protest Never Thought He'd Actually Take Them Up On It

[unable to retrieve full-text content]

When Colin Kaepernick took a knee in protest of institutional bias during the national anthem in a recent pre-season football game, the gesture unleashed a wave of pro-anthem, anti-free-speech indignation that has dominated the social media landscape ever since. And some of Kaepernick's most vocal critics are U.S. veterans who were shocked and dismayed to learn that an American citizen had actually invoked one of the basic democratic liberties they had pledged to defend.

Said one irate former army private, "We put our asses on the line so that people like Colin Kaepernick would always have the freedom to do exactly what he did, little suspecting he would one day force us to be as good as our word. It's like he spit in our faces."

Asked why he seemed to have no trouble reconciling his belief in the inviolability of free speech with his seething resentment of Kaepernick's text-book free speech protest, the veteran replied, "When you watch as much Fox as I do, it's easy."

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Veterans Who Fought To Protect Kaepernick's Right To Protest Never Thought He'd Actually Take Them Up On It

The Real Animals Of Social Media

[unable to retrieve full-text content]

2016-09-12-1473719253-8825834-FullSizeRender.jpg
Before the advent of social media there was so much information I knew nothing about. I didn't know how life changing thirty days on a regimen of Rodan and Fields skincare products could be, how to make the perfect salad, or how good a handstand looked in front of every national landmark - especially when captioned with the obligatory "spiritual" gibberish. I never realized how grateful and blessed phony girls with fake boobs in exotic locales on some rich guys dime were. I didn't know jet setting around the world when you owed millions of dollars to people you had screwed over was something to brag about. What happened to humility, class and subtlety? Flying private? Not so private anymore. Someone loves you or you're madly in love? Prove it over and over by posting pictures of flowers, the two of you kissing, and an overload of useless hashtags; #love #perfectcouple, #forever. And your vacation destinations better be stellar, because if you're not heliskiing in the Swiss Alps, you better fucking fly to the moon before your pictures get trumped by someone with more money and a better travel agent. And then what? Are you still grateful and blessed? If not, do another handstand. Then again, there's always Photoshop, where you can make everything in your world look insanely perfect, or just casually erase those smile lines, stretch marks, or change your college diploma to say Harvard instead of Hartford.

My threshold for the insanity and nonsense hit its peak a while ago, around the time I saw a mother of two who had slowly, proudly, and publicly become obese, drinking vodka out of a bottle in an attempt to be humorous. So finally, I took the liberty of unfollowing the gold diggers, the mental patients, the assholes, and the bores. But then, all of a sudden there was tremendous void to fill. What was I going to waste time with now? I was discussing this with a couple of friends who were mutually disgusted and fed up with the thousands of bullshit posts we saw daily, and then one of them said, "Do you follow Pumpkin the raccoon?" And that's when everything changed for me. I suddenly realized an entire "niche" of social media animals, and that their lives were much more fascinating than a yogi in tree pose in front of a tree. It started with Pumpkin - a raccoon a family in the Bahamas claimed to have "rescued." I know, it's a tad absurd. I mean, rescued from where? A garbage can? A bad date? That's like me saying I rescued an alligator from the Everglades, or a fish from the ocean. But regardless of the details, Pumpkin was cute and entertaining, even though the pictures seem slightly staged, because I sincerely doubt Pumpkin woke up, went and got a donut from the fridge, and sat on the couch waiting patiently for his next photo op. Either way, I'd still rather look at him than another duck face selfie, or a 45-year-old woman who looks like an apparition due to the abuse of photo filters. And besides Pumpkin, (@pumpkintheracoon) there's also Wally (@wally_and_molly), an English Angora rabbit with a dogs haircut, Kevin the Pygmy goat (@goatsigram), and pig siblings Prissy and Pop (@prissy_pig). And with 903,000, 315,000, 25,000, and 634,000 followers respectively, clearly I'm not alone in my preferences. People out there are following the real animals of social media. And yes Wally eats a lot of salad, but that's normal, because he's a rabbit. And yes, some days we see him bizarrely posed in a wheelbarrow wearing a beret, but it's definitely worth a like and a screen shot. I just love animals, and not the human kind. I'll follow anything with more than two legs; anything that doesn't have spray painted abs and can't jump off a yacht. Because I'd rather watch a pig swim than a "pig" swim. I'd rather watch a goat walk on a picnic table than see how many miles someone clocked on their MapMyWalk app. I'd rather watch a rabbit eat lettuce all day than view another picture of a fucking salad. I've seen enough salads to give me diarrhea for the rest of my life. Instead of inducing nausea, these animals make me smile. Instead of making me cringe and roll my eyes, they keep me sane in this bottomless pit of narcissism and insanity we call social media. So maybe we can all take a cue from these awesome creatures: be cute, be funny; be authentic. Plus Pumpkin has a calendar and a book available on Amazon, and truth be told I'm more impressed by that than anyone's vacation album. So unless your next trip is to the Bahamas to visit him, I don't want to hear about it.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

The Real Animals Of Social Media

Discounted Mating in Captivity

Esther Perel, the therapist and author of Mating in Captivity, recently advertised an "Annual Sexual Health Day Sale-50% Off All Workshops." On the last day she wrote:"Today is the last day to take advantage of our annual World Sexual Health Day sale...It's never too late to have an amazing sex life." Introducing the idea of such promotions into the realm of psychotherapy and medicine itself could really provide a welcome antidote to those who are tired having to negotiate the shoals of insurance coverage. For instance rather than having to haggle with your insurer about the need for a colonoscopy every five years, why not buy a package of them at a markdown price? Why not make the colonoscopy cheaper by the dozen? But let's go back to talk therapy, another area that insurers balk at providing for. Psychopharmacology has gotten an unfair advantage since both patients and providers are so disinclined to provide coverage for the dreaded long term therapy. However, what if you're willing to go it on your own? Let your talk therapist meet you half way by making a two for one offer, which on a long term basis would amount, lo and behold, to the antiquated notion of a long term Freudian analysis. The same can be said for EKG's, full body scans and another dreaded elective procedure everyone is eager to avoid precisely due the mixture of unpleasantness and cost, dental prophylaxis, otherwise known as teeth cleaning.

{This was originally posted to The Screaming Pope, Francis Levy's blog of rants and reactions to contemporary politics, art and culture}

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Discounted Mating in Captivity

'South Park' Rewrites The National Anthem For Colin Kaepernick

Get ready, folks.

South Park” returns with 10-new episodes Wednesday night ― and just in case viewers were wondering whether the show would still tackle controversial issues in its 20th season, the sneak peak below gives a pretty good answer:

Let's block ads! (Why?)

'South Park' Rewrites The National Anthem For Colin Kaepernick

Trevor Noah Exposes The 'Real' Reason For Colin Kaepernick's Protest

mardi 13 septembre 2016

NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick says his national anthem demonstration is meant to protest the way America treats people of color, but Trevor Noah sees a potentially devious side benefit to it.

On Tuesday night’s “Daily Show,” Noah suggested that kneeling during the national anthem could open the door for other “protests.”

“This is a great excuse,” Noah said. “If he gets sacked or intercepted [and people say] ‘Kaepernick, you suck!’ he could be like, ‘No, this was also a protest. How can I move the ball forward if my people are held back?’”  

To be fair, Noah admires Kaepernick’s courage in speaking out about racial injustice in the face of criticism. 

“Colin Kaepernick could be the Muhammad Ali of this generation ― except for the achievements and the talents and stuff,” Noah said.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Trevor Noah Exposes The 'Real' Reason For Colin Kaepernick's Protest

Taylor Swift Writes About Her 8 Month Long Jury Duty Case

Some days I wake up having dreamt I was a successful, rich, famous singer. It's silly if you think about it. I have very little recollection of my past as a pop star. I open my eyes every morning, to the sight of this sequestered hotel room with no phone or cable and it makes a lot more sense to me. I don't really remember being Taylor Smith. Swift? Sorry. Swift. It's been ages since I legally changed my name to Juror #4.

We came here eight months ago, to discuss the Nashville case of The People Vs. Matthew Pierce. Or at least that's what they tell me. I think I was born here. It's a fascinating case, but no one expected it to last this long. There is so much evidence against Pierce. The bloody shirt he keeps wearing to every single testimony. The murder weapon with his full name etched to it. The day he showed up drunk and confessed to everything. It was really an open and shut case, but as a jury we never really seemed to be unanimous. Sometimes we are, but then one person looks my way and quickly changes their mind. Sometimes I hear them crying that they want to go home, but their kids will never forgive them if they do.

The court days themselves are kind of weird. We rarely hear from the defense. Or the prosecution to be perfectly honest. The witnesses are also scarce. Most days I get called to the stand myself to answer questions. I didn't really know jurors had to testify, especially when they were 800 miles away from the crime scene at the time the crime took place. But they really want to hear from me a lot. Usually they ask about my day, my hobbies, or ask for fun little bits about my upbringing. Sometimes we talk for hours about my cats.

On occasion, the judge shows up with a guitar and we freestyle jam about the case. It's really fun and takes some of the pressure of a high class trial, but it always leads to a big fight about who has the musical rights for the recordings. The prosecution says it belongs to them since it involves their client. The defense claims they are the owners since I took the stand on their behalf. The judge also wants his royalties, so the past month we kind of took some times off the Pierce case and started discussing the case of who owns these recordings. Usually I get put on the stand for that one, too.

I don't know what I would do if this case ever ends. Being a juror is all I know how to do anymore. I don't remember foods that are not a wet omelet. I don't recall TV shows that aren't about the hotel. I do see all of us growing old here. But I guess, if we do have to go home eventually, I'll be a bit lost. I'll have to rethink some things, start again. Drifting in the wind. Like a plastic bag. That sounds familiar, was that one of mine?

2016-09-01-1472706701-3220734-29taylorswiftjuryduty.w529.h529.jpg

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Taylor Swift Writes About Her 8 Month Long Jury Duty Case

Heaven Sent

That Moment When You Meet Your Idol And Make A Complete Ass Out Of Yourself

2016-09-12-1473639993-7311932-Fleetwood_Mac_1977.jpg
Courtesy Wikimedia Commons / Warner Bros. Records

After reading a great story about Fleetwood Mac by Abby Norman, I was reminded of my own experience with the band that ended in a wicked case of self-loathing and regret on my part and a hint of awkwardness on theirs.

I was 19 and working at a boho boutique in Venice Beach at the height of Fleetwood Mac's success. They were my one of my favorite bands at the time and I idolized Stevie Nicks. I had a major girl-crush on her.

One day, Christine McVie and Stevie Nicks walked into the little shop.

To say I was starstruck would be a gross understatement. My synapses began misfiring and I was reduced to a blithering idiot.

When the two women approached my counter, I began stammering involuntarily. "You, you, you're, you, you're, you're in, you're in, you're in... Fairport Convention!"

I named the wrong band.

Christine McVie very politely and sweetly replied in her gorgeous accent, "Well, actually it's Fleetwood Mac."

I should have shut the hell up at that point, but I was completely possessed, my mind had short-circuited and I had no control over my faculties.

I was mortified that I named the wrong band and desperately wanted to show them that I knew who they were. "OhGodOhGodOhGod! Of course, you're in Fleetwood Mac. I knew that. I knew that. I love you guys."

Mercifully, they departed rather quickly after "the incident."

I was left with the tragic knowledge that if only I'd had my shit together I would have become their new best friend. And invited to join their band.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

That Moment When You Meet Your Idol And Make A Complete Ass Out Of Yourself

Sneaky Dog Scares Daylights Out Of Bird-Focused Cats -- And Us

Want to see cats fly? This is pretty damn close. When a dog interrupts their bird-watching in this hilarious video, they jump. Hmm. That doesn’t seem quite accurate. Rather, they JUMP.

Yeah, dog, you have the outside view all to yourself now.

 h/t Viral Viral Videos

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Sneaky Dog Scares Daylights Out Of Bird-Focused Cats -- And Us

Burning Man Is Over, But The 'Missed Connections' Live On

They’re looking for love in a dusty place.

The beloved “Missed Connections” section on Craigslist is alight with Burning Man attendees yearning for their possible soulmates. Despite the grime and the face masks and the body art, these individuals are looking to recreate that desert magic.

Here are some of our favorites:

Good-Neighbor looking for She-Is-Us - m4w”

I’m looking for a person with the playa name She-Is-Us. It was her first burn this year and she was camped around 6&J and is moving from Austin to San Francisco. She was wearing a blue wig and had eyes like the sun in the sky. We met at the temple dancing and singing on Saturday morning, walked over to the French Quarter together, and parted ways. We made plans to meet up at Camp Mystic after the Man Burn and, well, you know how plans go on the playa ...

Posted Sept. 6

The unique soul full of light I met at burning man - m4w”

dislikes: racists 

native language: love

personality: brilliant radiant aethereal!!

I am looking for a girl I met at burning man. I kept bumping into her, and she would always act like she forgot my name, but we would always hug anyways and share a big smile, soo happy to be at magical burning man together!!! such a pleasant nice experience. I really felt connected every time our luminescence collided. It happened at robot heart, esplanade, the hair shampoo place and the hairbraiding tent, and the snowcone dome.

She was wearing a hat that looked like a marching band hat, except it had glitter and rhinestones glued on it. it was unlike anything id ever seen. it was so unique, i had never seen anyone make such a traditional masculine looking hat into such a beautiful headpiece.

She also wore some shorts or underwear and had these really amazing gold tattoos all over her body, over her breasts and thighs. I had never seen any goddess like this ever before. please, if you know this wonderful spirit, please connect me with her! <3<3 namaste

Posted Sept. 12

Burning Man Twerk Class - m4w”

We met at Burning Man at a Twerk class. You are originally from Toulouse, you lived in Bogota for 5 years and now you live in the Mission. We planned to meet at the Talking Heads party, but it was a bust and I didn’t end up staying. Wish I would have gotten your info! You’re super cool and I enjoyed sharing experiences about living abroad. If you or your friends see this, let me know. My Facebook and Linkedin stalking didn’t turn up anything. I’d love to cross paths with you one day in the future ...

Posted Sept. 8

“Burning Man: Rob w the voice from Boston via New Jersey via Greenpoint - wfm”

Your voice drew me in, with funny, sweet stories about your travels and your Polish parents. Even though I got sick it was an amazing trip because it brought me to you. You saved me and I wanted to explore the playa and you - but I was too out of it to articulate my true intentions. You’re nonjudgmental, kind, with an open mind and hot...well you know - you’re a SMF. I’ll be in San Francisco next month or if you’re still traveling come to Seattle and crash with me. I may have what you’ve been looking for and there is plenty of Metal in town.

Yours truly,
Oddy

Posted Sept. 7

”Tibetan Singing Bowls, Burning Man Temple - m4w”

I gave you a tibetan singing bowl session, you - girl from Palo Alto with beautiful eyes, at the Temple BM 2016 Saturday afernoon
You said I “put you under”
I was distracted by so many things going on at the time and I could not remember your name, but you said you work with at risk youth and deliver energy healing in Palo Alto, you also mentioned you just bought your first bowl set. I just wanted to make friends.
Patrick from San Diego

Posted Sept. 7

To all of the festival-goers, we hope you all find your burning love.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Burning Man Is Over, But The 'Missed Connections' Live On

Wife's Hilarious 'Family Feud' Fail Totally Shocks Steve Harvey

“Family Feud” host Steve Harvey has seen some outrageous answers during his time on the show, but this hilarious response might be the funniest of them all. 

On Monday night’s episode of the game show, Harvey posed a question to two contestants, saying: “We asked 100 married women, name something you might ask the Wizard of Oz to give your husband?”

A contestant named Sheilah won the buzzer race and shouted out her hilarious answer. 

“A bigger ... thing?” she said innocently, throwing her hands up in the air while her family and the studio audience burst into laughter. One person who probably wasn’t laughing (at least on the inside): her husband. 

“Well, Miss Sheilah, this ought to go good down at the church,” the host said. Find out if Sheilah’s answer was correct in the clip above. 

No matter what, her response is nowhere near as inappropriate as the worst “Family Feud” answer of all time. 

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Wife's Hilarious 'Family Feud' Fail Totally Shocks Steve Harvey

Samantha Bee Rips 'Human Splenda' Matt Lauer, And It's Sweet

Samantha Bee had to wait until Monday’s “Full Frontal” to unleash on Matt Lauer for his moderating fail during the Commander-In-Chief Forum with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump last week. And she got personal.

Bee called out the “Today” mainstay as a “human Splenda” whose “crack journalism skills include getting up early and asking tough questions about recipes.” Referring to a “Today” bit in which Lauer dressed in lifeguard drag to promote a “Baywatch” segment, she said, “Maybe this Halloween he can dress up as a journalist.”

Bee eventually turned her hilariously forked tongue to other matters on the campaign trail, like how it’s the media’s job to wade through the “geysers of mendacious vomit that spews nonstop from the Trump campaign.” 

Check that out here:

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Samantha Bee Rips 'Human Splenda' Matt Lauer, And It's Sweet

Dr. Phil Makes Plea For Doctors Without Last Names On 'Late Show'

How could we have been so neglectful?

In a clever mock PSA on “The Late Show,” Dr. Phil makes a plea for doctors like him who “work tirelessly without a last name to call their own.”

As the treacly piano music plays, Dr. Phil calls out a veritable all-star team of first-name-only doctors who need to be recognized and taken seriously. Because, you know, they’re doctors.

And who’s going to argue that Dr. J and Dr. Octopus don’t deserve their props?

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Dr. Phil Makes Plea For Doctors Without Last Names On 'Late Show'

James Corden Says The Most Charming Thank-You For Two Emmys

James Corden didn’t have a time limit Monday to say thanks for the two Emmy Awards his “Late Late Show” won over the weekend. And that was a good thing.

Glowing with gratitude on his show, Corden proudly brought out the two statues ― for outstanding interactive program and outstanding variety special ― and celebrated the achievement with viewers for about three minutes. It was totally charming.

Corden, who has hosted the “The Late Late Show” since March 2015, has quickly won hearts with his wit and warmth. And the guy knows how to have a good time. “Basically we’re gonna be drunk all week,” Corden said.

Cheers, James.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

James Corden Says The Most Charming Thank-You For Two Emmys

Stephen King Compares Donald Trump To Cthulhu; Cthulhu Issues Angry Denial

lundi 12 septembre 2016

But the Cthulhu account, which claims Cthulu is running for president, quickly fired off a denial ― and it was an absolute gem packed with references from King’s many books: 

Now that this issue has been cleared up, is America finally #ReadyForCthulhu?

Let's block ads! (Why?)

Stephen King Compares Donald Trump To Cthulhu; Cthulhu Issues Angry Denial

'M.I.L.P: Moms I'd Like to Portray' Celebrates Hollywood's Depiction of Women and Motherhood

In M.I.L.P., Carrie tries to join the ranks of Hollywood's best mom actresses, (Julie Bowen, Patricia Heaton, Lauren Graham) only to find she needs to earn that privilege by successfully portraying a wide range of mom roles. With guest appearances by comedians Eric Gersen and Aaron Jackson. Directed by Hunter Nelson. Thursday, September 15 and Thursday, September 29th, 8:00pm, The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre (Chelsea, NY)

The hilarious Carrie McCrossen took us behind the scenes of her empowering sketch comedy show M.I.L.P: Moms I'd Like to Portray.

What inspired you to write M.I.L.P.?

I spend a lot of time auditioning to play moms in commercials and on TV. And I started to become interested in how moms are presented in media. What makes me a "mom type?" There are several "mom archetypes" that seem to appear across a lot of media. And I think they reflect our expectations (and our judgments) of motherhood. I thought it would be fun to explore all that with a character show.

When did the musical number and pre-recorded videos become a part of the show? 

I had always planned to end with a song. (I have an affinity for musical numbers because of my past-life as a musical theater actor! Jazz hands!) The video element was added later in the process. I was looking for something cohesive to pull together all the various mom roles. That was based on feedback I received from the UCB artistic director, Shannon O'Neill, after the preview shows. Both Shannon and my director, Hunter Nelson, were immensely helpful in shaping the finished piece.  

Throughout the show, Carrie plays a series of familiar mom-types: a soccer mom, a dance mom, a working mom, (each with their own comedic twist.) Also sprinkled throughout the show are actual voicemails from Carrie's actual mom, who is not a comedian, but who steals the show with her unintentionally hilarious recordings.

I loved the videos. Was your mom receptive to you including her voicemails? They are very funny.

I asked my mom if I could include her voicemails and she said yes. (I can't imagine her saying anything else- she is so supportive.) The voicemails are actual messages she's left me over the years. I haven't tampered with them at all. And they are by far my favorite part of the show. She is so earnest and so funny. She came to see the show in August and I made her take a curtain call. I wouldn't be surprised if she got a development deal out of this. She should have her own show.

What was the first musical you saw? 

Phantom of the Opera. And it is forever written on my heart.

Did you write the part for Eric Gersen? He is great, too. 

I didn't! I wish I had! But I didn't have a specific actor in mind. Just knew I needed a "dad-type." Eric is so great. He's a close friend and we've collaborated together a bunch. I appeared in his (wonderful) musical 1770-Something, which ran at UCB in 2014.

Do people tell you fun facts about Women-in-Hollywood they learned since seeing the show? I thought of you when I heard Carla Gugino (“Roadies”) say she played a mom in Spy Kids at Age 27. 

Not really! I wish they would- I could start a collection! Someone told me Amy Poehler played Rachel McAdams' mom in Mean Girls, despite Poehler's being just 7 years older. I just Googled it and it appears to be true. But, like, good for both those ladies because their performances make it work. Very fetch.

At the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York City, you’re a teacher, performer, co-host of The Lady Jam and member of the only UCB House Sketch Team One Idiot. Is there a certain hat (improviser, writer, actor, singer) you prefer to wear?

I like to wear all the hats at once because I'm afraid of my head getting cold. That is to say, I do it all because I fear not working. But performing is the thing that I've done longest and that I do most. I enjoy writing too and I've started to understand my writing process more which allows me to be more productive. So that's kind of new and exciting.

What advice would you give to aspiring writers/performers? 

Celebrate the small victories. Mourn the big rejections. Don't let any of that bullshit dictate what you do next.

Let's block ads! (Why?)

'M.I.L.P: Moms I'd Like to Portray' Celebrates Hollywood's Depiction of Women and Motherhood