If watching climate-change deniers on TV is enough to drive you nuts, imagine living with one.
Australia’s Collective Noun sketch comedy group shows what that might be like, especially if the climate denier starts applying the same logic to everything.
Let’s just say a simple request for rent money can turn into a bizarre ordeal.
Check it out in the clip above.
(h/t Mashable)
What If Climate Change Deniers Used The Same Logic On Everything?Monday, September 5 8:00pm UCBT Chelsea (Advanced Tickets $6) and Monday, September 19 8:00pm UCBT Chelsea (Advanced Tickets $6).
One Idiot was formed over two years ago by the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre as part of Maude Night, the Monday night sketch program at UCB Chelsea. The team distinguished themselves quickly for crafting thematically connected performances. In November of 2015, the UCB announced that One Idiot would be promoted from Maude Night and given their own bi-monthly show at the theatre. What The Horse Saw ran for nearly a year until the debut of One Idiot's new project This Murder: A Real Murder. One Idiot has performed across the country including the Austin Sketch Fest, the Philadelphia Sketch Fest and the New York Comedy Festival as The Best Of UCB Sketch.
Team members: Jon Bershad, Caitlin Bitzegaio, Sarah Burton, Caroline Cotter, Carrie McCrossen, Dave Ebert, Drew Freed, Allie Kokesh, Maggie Ross, Davram Steifler and Katelyn Trela.
Showtimes: Monday, September 5 8:00pm UCBT Chelsea (Advanced Tickets $6) and Monday, September 19 8:00pm UCBT Chelsea (Advanced Tickets $6).
Follow One Idiot on Facebook: http://ift.tt/2bDGTup
Some 2-year-olds just can’t stomach the thought of eating their veggies, but one little girl went to fairly elaborate means to avoid getting her greens.
A redditor who goes by the name of kiky23 recently posted a picture captioned: “My toddler said she finished her veggies.”
As you can see, the actual picture told a much different story. It seems the daughter didn’t actually eat her green beans, preferring to simply shove them into the mouth of her Elmo doll.
However, Mom’s intuition flared up and she went to check the table, where she saw the Elmo doll lying there defeated next to the dinner plate.
According to Mom, her daughter had actually closed Elmo’s mouth to hide the evidence, before announcing that she was done.
The girl’s attempt at veggie avoidance might have failed, but the mom admits a grudging respect at the fiendishly evil plot.
The Huffington Post attempted to reach out to the mom but has not yet heard back. Elmo, however, had no comment.
Another week of “Bachelor” wouldn’t be “Paradise” without spot-on snark ― not to mention a few heart-wrenching exits, a near-fight, and the return of Wells to our TV screens.
Below are 37 tweets that nail the glory and pain that is watching “BIP”:
For more on Week 5 of “Bachelor In Paradise,” check out HuffPost’s “Here To Make Friends” podcast below:
Do people love “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette” and “Bachelor in Paradise,” or do they love to hate these shows? It’s unclear. But here at “Here to Make Friends,” we both love and love to hate them — and we love to snarkily dissect each episode in vivid detail. Podcast edited by Nick Offenberg.
After going through a rough breakup two years ago, Washington, DC-based artist Mari Andrew made a point to draw and paint every single day since.
“I was literally putting happiness on the calendar. The 30 minutes I set aside a day to create art and paint was so soothing and enjoyable for me,” she told The Huffington Post.
Andrew’s funny, relatable illustrations draw inspiration from some of the most annoying realities of adulthood, from having to hop on a call when email would suffice, to Tinder dates who are just “not looking for anything right now.”
Today, the 29-year-old illustrator has more than 52,000 followers on her Instagram account, @bymariandrew.
“Everything you see is something that happened to me, including the comics about single life,” Andrew told HuffPost.
“Being single for me is 90 percent wonderful romances, travels, new experiences, self-care and confidence ― and then there’s that 10 percent that keeps me going on dates,” she joked. “Sometimes, you just really want someone to dance with in your living room and kill the bugs.”
Check out more of Andrew’s illustrations capturing the joys and minor annoyances of being a modern single lady below:
Back in the day, before the option to “mute” a conversation, reply-all emails were the Devil incarnate. No one was safe. Like that video tape in “The Ring,” if you saw it, it was already too late.
But, even today, reply-all emails are still an organizational nightmare. Comedians Soren & Jolles and The New Yorker created this illustrative video showing you just how disruptive they can be.
The Free-For-All Nightmare Of The Reply-All Email, Except In Real Life
Exercise is like the Bible. Everyone says they’re familiar with it, but a quick look around proves quite the opposite.
If you’re like me, you know the history of exercise well, because it’s important to have a well-rounded knowledge of your enemy. But for those of you who know nothing about the subject, Nick Offerman and Michelle Obama are here to spot you.
In honor of the 60th anniversary of the President’s Council on Fitness, Sports & Nutrition, Funny Or Die presents the “History Of Exercise.”
Nick Offerman And Michelle Obama Show Us The Glorious History Of Exercise
Fact: Feminist frats bros are cooler than non-feminist frat bros.
Created by MTV’s Braless, the 4-minute clip features a group of men pledging a fraternity. Two of the pledges in the group get hazed by fraternity brothers, but it’s not the horrific hazing most pledges have to endure ― it’s feminist hazing.
Before any of the hazing takes place, however, the brothers ask for affirmative consent or, as they explain in the video “a strong, confident yes.” After both pledges give their affirmative consent to partake in the hazing, the brothers make them field some (truly awesome) feminist questions.
The questions include how to be body-positive if a brother gains weight, what to do when a girl drinks too much at a party and why everyone should discuss intersectionality more.
As one of the brothers says: “Here at Lambda Alpha Lambda we keep the toxic masculinity in check, bro.”
Fraternities everywhere, take note.
What Fraternities Would Look Like If They Were Feminist
I've been watching the Olympics all my life. I was born in 1964, the year the Olympics were in Tokyo. While I do not recall watching the 1968 Olympics in Mexico City, I do recall seeing a brief clip on the news (probably anchored by Walter Cronkite) of a young heavyweight boxer named George Foreman, waving a tiny American flag in the ring, after winning a gold medal. This was the same Olympics when the American men's relay track team raised their fists in a black power salute. Sadly, George Foreman's patriotism was lost on me at four years old. The first Olympics I really remember watching with purpose was the 1972 games in Munich Germany.
The whole thing was captivating. The opening ceremonies, the lighting of the eternal flame, the Olympic theme song. An odd, yet satisfying mixture of sports and pomposity. With a healthy dose of good ol' "us versus them" nationalism.
Watching the Munich games I realized that the Olympics are a buffet of sports you never get to see on TV. All sorts of sports; kayaking, rowing, archery, table tennis, diving, swimming, gymnastics and on and on.
When, other than the Olympics, do we watch women's water polo? Exactly.
Honestly, I almost never watch any women's sports. The reason for this I believe, was because when I was in high school and played varsity basketball (not bragging, simply stating a fact) at a tiny division-A private school for pussies, our coach made the boys watch the girls basketball game. So after seeing four years of games with scores like 31-12, that had roughly eight hundred jump balls, I soured to women's sports.
But during the Olympics, I have become quite a fan of women's sports. Particularly swimming, diving, gymnastics and women's volleyball. Pretty much any sport in which fit young gals are wearing tiny outfits.
Then there was the 1976 Olympics and the likes of Sugar Ray Leonard, Bruce Jenner and the greatest gymnast ever, Nadia Comaneci.
In 1980, Jimmy Carter pulled the dick move of the century and boycotted the Moscow Olympics because of the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. The hopes and dreams of athletes should not be decided by politicians.
In 1996, the Olympics came to my home town of Atlanta Georgia, Yippee!
I even wrote a funny book called How To Survive Atlanta In 1996, which sold several copies.
It was cool to actually attend the Olympics. During the 1996 games my lady and I went to soccer, field hockey, basketball, baseball and I think some other sport.
And then the 1996 Olympics were marred by a bombing by a Right Wing crackpot, named Eric Rudolph, who had already bombed a gay bar and an abortion clinic.
Of course the killing of the Israeli athletes, trainers and coaches by Palestinian terrorists during the 1972 Munich Olympics, was the most awful thing to ever happen at an Olympics.
So here we are, looking back on Rio; on Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt and yes Ryan Lochte.
First of all, after months of non-stop bitching in the media about how Rio was not ready for the Olympics, I think the record clearly states that not only was Rio ready for the Olympics, but they did one hell of a job.
If Ryan Lochte acting like a dipshit is the worst thing to happen during the Olympics, we should all be dancing in the streets.
Funny or Die presents the 4th annual Oddball Comedy and Curiosity Festival starting September 2. The lineup of more than 35 comedians includes Tracy Morgan, John Oliver, Hannibal Burress, Jay Pharoah of SNL fame, and Ali Wong. Jeff Ross, a Comedy Central Roast veteran, is the master of ceremonies. The 13 stop Live Nation tour includes such a vast array of comedians that those attending the show are guaranteed to laugh at one or more of the acts unless they are completely devoid of a sense of humor. It ranges from Brian Regan, who eschews profanity and off-color humor, to Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias, who makes jokes about obesity and Mexican-American culture to Alice Wetterlund, the star of HBO's Silicon Valley who shot to fame making a parody commercial for a cure for diarrhea titled "Culture Culture Probiotics".
Two of the comedians, Kyle Dunnigan and Tom Segura, previewed their act. Fans of Comedy Central's "Inside Amy Schumer" are already in love with Kyle Dunnigan. He's the Emmy winning writer of one of the most humorous segments ever aired on the show, a musical number titled "Girl, You Don't Need Makeup?" He's also the "Trainwreck" star's go to person when she is sad, which she revealed during a book tour stop in Philadelphia this month.
Dunnigan's "Oddball" act will feature him playing music, doing some of his infamous impressions such as Caitlyn Jenner, and telling personal stories. His impression of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump is so legendary that he has been asked to perform it on the Howard Stern radio show. The comedian, who credits a piano with missing keys from his childhood for honing his talent, offered some tips for doing a good impression- "I think it is an ear thing. If you have an ear for it, you can do it. If you don't, you can't. I hear the pitch of where they talk. People usually talk in a few notes. If they say word a particular way or say something that strikes me as unusual, I pick up on it. For example, Caitlyn says her S like sha. She says yeah a lot." He then proceeded to imitate her with such accuracy that I am not sure Kim Kardashian could tell the difference.
The day of our interview happened to coincide with the height of controversy over fellow "Inside Amy Schumer" writer Kurt Metzger's comments about rape. While conceding the inartful wording of his colleague's words, he worried that some of the blowback was political correctness gone amok. Despite being BFF's with Schumer, Dunnigan says he is not a feminist but an "equal opportunist" He said, "Political correctness is stifling comedy a bit. There's real punishment if people don't like your opinion. I understand the way Kurt worded things wasn't sensitive, but he had a point in there persecuting someone without trying to hear his side. The package that it was in was too prickly."
While Dunnigan is the comedy set's lothario having dated both Sarah Silverman and Amy Schumer, Tom Segura is married with a new born baby and works with his wife, fellow comedian Christina Pazsitsky. They host a top rated podcast, "Your Mom's House," together where nothing including marital sex is off limits. Comedy fans might know him from his Netflix specials, "Completely Normal" and "Mostly Stories". Segura is planning to regale Oddballers, those that attend the Oddball Festival, with wry observations on life including the arrival of baby Ellis.
Segura's previous claim to fame might be he was brave enough to joke on "Conan" about meeting Mike Tyson on a plane and still claim Mike Tyson as a fan. Now he will be able to take credit if another "Rush Hour" movie is made. He explains, "I have flown next to a lot of black celebrities. Chris Tucker, out of nowhere, without saying hello, imagine no hello, asked me should I do another "Rush Hour"? That's a crazy question to start a conversation with. I go I don't know. Tucker then explained he was in Beijing last week and saw Jackie Chan walking down the street. Jackie said what are you doing here? Tucker responded I am here to see you. I said to him that sounds like the next "Rush Hour" to me. Chris said I think you are right. So if they make one, I think I should get a credit."
If you want to laugh, here are the dates for the Oddball Comedy and Curiosity Festival.
Sep. 2 Chicago, IL Hollywood Casino Amphitheater
Sep. 3 Detroit, MI DTE Energy Amphitheatre
Sep. 4 Toronto, ON Molson Canadian Amphitheatre
Sep. 8 Holmdel, NJ PMC Bank Arts Center
Sep. 9 Mansfield, MA Xfinity Center
Sep. 10 Wantagh, NY Nikon at Jones Beach Theater
Sep. 11 Camden, NJ BB&T Pavilion
Sep. 22 Houston, TX Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion
Sep. 23 Dallas, TX Gexa Energy Pavilion
Sep. 24 Austin, TX Austin360 Amphitheater
Sep. 30 Mountain View, CA Shoreline Amphitheatre
Oct. 1 Irvine, CA Irvine Meadows Amphitheater
Oct. 2 Phoenix, AZ Ak-Chin Pavilion
We were once terrified of Monarch butterflies, so who are we to question your fears, Enzo?
In a recently posted clip, a YouTube user writes that her golden retriever puppy Enzo is afraid of a windshield wiper. We see Enzo, who is inside the vehicle, duck whenever the wiper sweeps across the back window. “He isn’t scared of anything except this, and the vacuum cleaner,” the user writes.
This Dog Is Adorably Scared Of A Windshield Wiper
Ever wonder why Donald Trump appears ignorant when it comes to even the most basic levels of humanity? Maybe it’s because humanity is not his first species ...
Funny Or Die has acquired new video from Donald Trump’s physician ― the scientist from “Independence Day” played by actor Brent Spiner ― who makes a startling revelation about the GOP presidential nominee.
Donald Trump's Doctor Is Actually The Scientist From 'Independence Day'
In 1997, a crew of North Carolina buffoons pulled off one of the largest cash robberies in American history, stealing $17.3 million from an armored-car company and blowing it on tacky luxury goods. They were caught five months later. In 2016, the so-called “hillbilly heist” is the subject of a comedy starring Zach Galifianakis, Kristen Wiig, Jason Sudeikis, Owen Wilson, Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones.
The Huffington Post has an exclusive clip from “Masterminds,” which marks the latest endeavor of “Napoleon Dynamite” director Jared Hess. The conspirators want to sell out their honcho (Galifianakis), so they hired a hitman (Sudeikis) to handle the job. Watch him settle in to negotiate the terms with one of the thieves (Wilson).
“Masterminds” opens Sept. 30.
Jason Sudeikis And Owen Wilson Are Hardly 'Masterminds' In Their New Heist Comedy
Ever since comedian John Oliver attacked charter schools in a “Last Week Tonight” segment earlier this month, advocacy groups both for and against the educational institutions have been fired up.
The Center for Education Reform is one of groups that feels like the segment misrepresented charter schools. This week, the nonprofit decided to put its money where its mouth is by announcing a “Hey John Oliver, Back Off My Charter School!” video contest with a $100,000 prize.
Oliver “leveled a very unfair, unfortunate, unbalanced, unwarranted and generally unhinged tirade against charter schools,” the group says on its website. The contest invites charter school advocates to create a short, low-budget video about why they think their school deserves the cash prize.
Oliver said during the nearly 20-minute “Last Week Tonight” segment that he was not trying to judge whether charter schools are a good idea overall. Instead, the comedian set out to shine a light on how they operate: Because charter schools are publicly funded but privately operated, they aren’t always subject to the same oversight as traditional public schools.
Oliver highlighted the successes of KIPP Charter Schools Network, but spent most of his time excoriating the worst schools, school leaders and the irresponsible laws that allow them to flourish.
“Last Week Tonight” representatives did not immediately respond to requests for comment. An HBO spokesman wrote in an email that “John does a piece/rant and then moves on to the next thing. He is first and foremost a comedian although all his rants are well researched.”
Jeanne Allen, the founder and CEO of the Center for Education Reform, said the organization felt like the segment treated charter schools as a fringe concept in public policy, even though these schools have been around for 25 years.
“We want John Oliver to know theres a much deeper, richer and more impactful ... outcome of this reform called charter that is affecting not only kids in school but throughout the country,” Allen told The Huffington Post.
[unable to retrieve full-text content]
OK, it is what you think.
HuffPost Comedy held its weekly hashtag game on Tuesday, this time adding some not-so-much-needed chum to the waters of this election season.
Check out some of the very best offerings for #ClickbaitTheElection!
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
#ClickbaitTheElection Did Something Hilarious, But It's Not What You Think
Tim Tebow’s baseball tryout on Tuesday was a smash hit ― on Twitter, that is.
While the former Heisman Trophy winner and NFL quarterback performed to mixed reviews for Major League scouts at USC in Los Angeles, a jump he made while warming up for a 60-yard sprint made big news as a meme.
A Twitter user posted this:
And the internet lit up with leaping Tebows.
The dude who captured our hearts with a hunky cowboy photoshoot is back and sexier than ever.
Josh Varozza looks mighty fine in his most recent dudeoir photoshoot ― and this time it’s ocean-themed. Varozza, who’s a bail bondsman, is showing a little skin in the shoot as a mermaid and a lifeguard.
Photographer Tami Bears told The Huffington Post that she and Varozza had so much fun creating the first dudeoir photoshoot that they wanted to do it again. Bears and Varozza are also creating a calendar “per crowd demand,” Bears said.
“All proceeds go to our local veterans group Wheelers for the Wounded of CA. It’s an amazing local group supporting veterans and our love for
our beautiful area we live in,” Bears, a northern California native, said.
Bears also hopes to bring a little laughter to people as the summer winds down: “It’s tough transitioning back to school and with summer ending we hoped we could really make folks laugh again just when they feared it was over!!”
Scroll below the see Varozza in all his hunky glory.
Have you been wondering why Trump has said nice things about Putin and vice versa?
Have you also wondered why people in his campaign have had ties with Russia?
And have you wondered why he keeps calling his wall "great" which makes some people think of The Great Wall of China?
Are you wondering why Trump is going to Mexico today?
And why he insists every single time he mentions it that he's going to make the Mexicans pay for his wall?
The secret has already started to leak: Trump has been cozying up to Putin because he's not going to build an actual wall when he's president. Mexico is going to buy the old Iron Curtain from Russia for a low, low price. It's just been sitting in storage all this time, right?
This is a brilliant strategy that will still creates tens of thousands of jobs, keep out rapists and murderers and make us all safe.
Folks, Trump's "Wall" is going to be truly, truly amazing.
Lev Raphael is the author of 25 books in genres from mystery to memoir which you can find on Amazon.
This Blogger's Books and Other Items from...
One of the democratic platform issues is the repeal of the Citizen's United verdict which allows for uncontrolled campaign spending by super PACs. In other words those with bucks continue to have undo influence. But shouldn't we be thankful for the super PACs which have produced all these exemplary children. No one likes the candidates in this election, but everyone is talking about the children. And it's apparent that one great way to produce wonderful children is to be a presidential hopeful. Even though it's clear Trump, who has been using his own dough, is not dependent on super PACs, he's one of many candidates notable for his great kids. You have the two Obama girls, Chelsea, Ivanka, Tiffany, the Trump boys and going further back Ron Reagan and Caroline Kennedy. Even Dr. Spock, a noted liberal, who's Baby and Child Care is still a bible of child raising and a noted liberal, might have given his blessing to Citizen's United. Let's imagine that we expand rather than diminish the power of the super PACs. The result will be that more and more people will run for president. The problems of dysfunctional families, which include but are not limited to divorce and drug and alcohol addiction, will all disappear. A family with a parent running for president is more likely to produce focused and well-adjusted kids, who thrive in school and later in the workplace.
photograph of Chelsea Clinton (Ali Shaker/VOA)
{This was originally posted to The Screaming Pope, Francis Levy's blog of rants and reactions to contemporary politics, art and culture}
Although he wished Sarah Palin a speedy recovery from her recent bloody fall, “Late Show” host Stephen Colbert wasn’t about to let her off the hook. Not after Palin turned her injury into a bizarre rant against Hillary Clinton.
On Tuesday, Colbert took a dig at Donald Trump, then segued with, “Speaking of fake politicians... Sarah Palin.”
He brought viewers up to speed on Palin’s “rock running” accident and her rambling diatribe.
“Now I would chalk that up to head trauma ― if it didn’t sound like everything else she says,” he remarked.
Colbert then sent her a get-well message “in a language she’ll understand.” What followed was hilarious, stream-of-consciousness drivel that proved you didn’t need to take a rock to the head to have rocks in your head.
Check out the free-verse nonsense above. The Palin bit begins around the 2:10 mark.
Stephen Colbert Is Stone-Cold Funny While Mocking Sarah Palin's Rock-Run Rant
Dating is hard enough, what with all that leg-shaving and awkward small talk. It’s even harder for those who are older and who thought they’d never have to live through another terrible first date again.
Luckily, we’ve found some hilarious tweets from middle-aged folks who totally understand your struggles.
U think sneaking around behind ur parents' backs when dating in high school is hard?Try sneaking around behind ur kids' backs in middle-age.
— Goldilocks (@ERGoddessMD) May 26, 2016
The great joy of dating a middle aged man in early middle age is he likes to stay in as much as I am starting to want to.
— Andrea Lambert (@AndreaLamber) July 11, 2016
I'm discovering that dating in middle-age is a lot like high school: often awkward & disappointing.
— Chrisse Allan (@ChrisseAllan) September 11, 2010
Getting ready for a date- first in years - pimples?! Really? At least wrinkles hide them.
— FreeBy40 (@40_n_Free) July 27, 2016
"Dating after 50: the odds are good but the goods are odd!" 😂
— petty wap (@acrotto11) October 13, 2015
-my hospitality professor
Dating after 40 is easy. It's like riding a bike, but the bike is on fire & the ground is on fire, everything is on fire cos you're in hell.
— RagingCynic (@FyNghalon) August 15, 2016
Dating in middle age is Dante's first ring of hell.
— Matt Berg (@Matt_Berg) April 2, 2016
Ahhh the pleasures of middle aged dating! No romantic words this morning, just a text saying 'I passed a stone last night!!' Hahahaha
— Serial Mistress (@NYBabe) May 24, 2016
I think Naomi Judd said it best about getting older - you need less makeup and more underwear. Sigh.
— Donna Bertrand (@DonnaBertrand) April 26, 2014
Mel Brooks reminisced about his longtime pal and collaborator Gene Wilder on “The Tonight Show” Tuesday night, and he didn’t disappoint.
In an interview with host Jimmy Fallon, Brooks recalled the time he turned Wilder, who died Sunday at age 83, into a blubbering mess of gratefulness.
Wilder had scoffed at the notion that the 1967 film “The Producers” would ever get made. So Brooks promised the young actor that he would play Leo Bloom ― the movie’s mousy accountant who conspires to make a Broadway flop ― just as soon as he rounded up the financing.
“Miracle of miracles,” Brooks did find the backing and visited Wilder backstage of a play he was doing called “Luv.” We’ll let Brooks take it from there:
“I took the script and I said, ‘Gene, we got the money. We’re gonna make the movie. You are Leo Bloom.’ And I threw [the script] on his makeup table and he burst into tears and held his face and cried. And then I hugged him. It was a wonderful moment.”
Check out the entire conversation above. And be sure to watch out for Brooks’ impromptu Hitler comb salute.
Mel Brooks Remembers The Time He Made Gene Wilder Burst Into Tears
MODESTO, CA: Goodyear Satire Company--
Donald Trump told voters in Modesto, California last night that he has a solution to the Pythagorean theorem because there are "plenty of numbers."
Trump made the shocking claim that he alone can determine the length of the diagonal of a right angle just by knowing the length of each of the sides. The problem has bedeviled generations of eighth graders.
"I will conquer Al Gebra," Trump confidently predicted, and the crowd lept to its feet in cheers of USA! USA!.
Voters were clearly impressed."Trump is a great businessman," said long-haul driver Hank Treebranch of nearby Stockton. "Given two terms, I think he can even solve the Poincaré conjecture."
Trump has previously promised to solve the problems of health care, immigration and radical Islamic terrorism through the sheer force of his mighty will. Rival Hillary Clinton has been much more cautious, meekly saying she will "try."
Trump also teased that within his first 100 days in office he would explain why time only goes forward. "Or seems to," he said with a knowing wink in his eye.
"The democrats don't want to solve those problems because if they do, they won't be needed anymore," said the golden-haired septuagenarian child-king.
"Elect me and we won't be dealing with these old problems," Trump told voters. "We'll have all new problems."
Clearly we're not sending our best to Mexico. We're sending liars. We're sending narcissists. We're sending sociopaths.
— Rob Reiner (@robreiner) August 31, 2016
Trump is visiting Mexico for a few hours tomorrow.
How quickly can that wall be built?
— Dave Pell (@davepell) August 31, 2016
ADVISOR: FBI found new Benghazi emails. Keep the focus on that.
TRUMP: Gotcha (*steps up to mic, cues mariachi band*) GUESS WHERE I’M GOING
— Daniel Lin (@DLin71) August 31, 2016
How great would it be if Trump shows up in Mexico tomorrow to what turns out to be a timeshare sales pitch?
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) August 31, 2016
I may fly to Mexico tomorrow! Want to visit the factory where they make my shirts.
— Donald J. Drumpf (@RealDonalDrumpf) August 31, 2016
Growing up in So Cal., I knew a lot of guys who planned last minute short trips to Mexico. They did not always go as planned.
— Seth Masket (@smotus) August 31, 2016
Step 1: Go to Mexico
— Jon Lovett (@jonlovett) August 31, 2016
Step 2: ?????
Step 3: VOTES
Hey Mexico, it's Donnie. Your people are rapists and murderers and I'm gonna make you pay to build a wall to keep you out. Can I come over?
— Ben White (@morningmoneyben) August 31, 2016
A surprise trip to Mexico was really the missing link in the Trumps-as-Bluths comparison
— Alex Burns (@alexburnsNYT) August 31, 2016
Two words of advice for ya, Mexico, before you let Trump in: extreme. vetting.
— Kaili Joy Gray (@KailiJoy) August 31, 2016
Usually, senior pictures are pretty boring. There’s the classic “lean against the tree” pose, the “sit on a swing” pose ― you know the drill.
But an Oregon teenager has won the senior picture game once and for all, with the help of a wayward nude man who she says inadvertently popped into the frame while walking his dog. (Click on the pics for the full NSFW version.)
Jillian Henry, a rising senior at South Eugene High School, told The Oregonian that her friend, Elena Nesbit, was taking her photos at the Willamette River on Saturday when the nude figure emerged from the forest, dog in tow.
“His dog was running around and I was like, ‘He’s naked!’” Henry told local news station KGW. She added that she and her friend thought the situation was funny.
So far, the man hasn’t been identified. It’s unclear if the school yearbook will publish the photos, though we hope and pray it will find a way.
One dude’s gift for his girlfriend wasn’t quite roses, but it was just as delightful.
Redditor Caite Grosh, who lives in Arizona, recently shared a photo on the social media site of an apology gift from her boyfriend, Trevor Lagers, following a little tiff.
He may not have gotten her a bouquet of flowers, but he bought her something that was, well, close enough.
The post went viral as remorseful boos ― and pretty much anyone who’s ever bought flowers ― expressed regret that they hadn’t thought of it.
Grosh explained to The Huffington Post that the couple’s minor conflict was related to missed time they were supposed to spend together ― and that Lagers wanted to make it up to her.
But she couldn’t have predicted such a creative surprise. So when two large brown paper bags from Amazon arrived at her workplace, she was understandably confused.
After opening up the bags, containing seven smaller bags of flour, she said she didn’t quite get the joke. It wasn’t until she called Lagers to confirm he was behind the odd purchase, along with a coworker hinting at the pun, that the hilarity of it all sank in.
“He not only made my day, but also everyone in the office became a fan,” she said. “[He was] definitely forgiven.”
Though some on Reddit have pointed out that Lagers’ idea is similar to the flour scene in “Stranger Than Fiction,” he told HuffPost he wasn’t thinking about the movie when he plotted his silly scheme. He’d initially wanted to send Grosh actual flowers but the plan fell through. We can’t say this was a bad alternative!
As for the flour, the couple insists it won’t go to waste. In fact, Grosh has already made two loaves of bread from it!
[unable to retrieve full-text content]
There’s been no shortage of discussion about ISIS during this election year. Donald Trump says he will crush ISIS, but how does ISIS feel about Donald Trump?
Well, Funny Or Die got an interview with their leader.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
ISIS Finally Tells Us How They Really Feel About Donald Trump
What does an NFL player have that I don’t have? You know what — don’t answer that question.
For starters, Colton Underwood has a better country music name than I do, but the Oakland Raider also beat me to the punch last week when he asked out Olympic gold medalist and all-around goddess Aly Raisman during an interview with Yahoo Sports.
As a fellow athlete at my physical peak, I understand that scoring first doesn’t always lead to a victory. That’s why I’m dropping this bigger, better, more flashily edited date proposal video that I hope lands me a date with America’s favorite leotard-wearer.
Dear Aly Raisman: Before You Date That NFL Player, Watch My Video
It is a truth universally acknowledged that if a woman’s got headphones on, she doesn’t want to talk to you.
However, some misguided piece in The Modern Man suggests that, yes, women who have chosen to put something over and/or in their ears that actively prevents them from having to hear anything else do want to talk to random men ― they just need some nudging.
The piece was originally published in 2013, but has received renewed attention on social media after this Aug. 29 tweet:
Below is a sample piece of terrible advice from author Dan Bacon to men looking to talk to women with headphones:
THIS. ADVICE. IS. GARBAGE.
You know what a woman wants when she’s got her headphones in? To be left the hell alone. She’s probably listening to a sweet podcast or a great jam and doesn’t want to have it interrupted by a stranger miming the act of headphone removal in front of her face.
This isn’t a rom-com. You’re not John Cusack.
After this abomination of an article was recently resurfaced, people had a lot to say about it on Twitter:
How to approach women who wear headphones:
1) Get in the bin
— David Jackmanson (@djackmanson) August 29, 2016
2) Set the bin on fire
3) Roll the bin away from the woman
4) Towards the sea
How To Talk To A Woman Wearing Headphones
1. Create a podcast
— Clare Coffey (@ClareCoffey) August 29, 2016
If you try to talk to me while I have headphones on I will IMMEDIATELY assume you are trying to mug me and introduce you to my pepper spray
— Danielle Henderson (@knottyyarn) August 30, 2016
If i'm wearing headphones, don't talk to me unless you've won an Oscar or I'm on fire
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) August 30, 2016
the best way to talk to a woman wearing headphones is to move out of her line of sight and punch yourself repeatedly in the face and/or dick
— Gravitas Free Zone (@NoraReed) August 29, 2016
Okay so I just looked up the “how to talk to a woman wearing headphones” article and I would literally vomit blood on any guy who did this.
— Rachel Feltman (@RachelFeltman) August 30, 2016
Now, there’s a very good chance this article and the entire Modern Man site is simply poorly-written parody. Some of the other pieces of garbage the site has produced include:
The only safe assumption here is that this is satire because if it’s not...
During “The Late Late Show” Monday night, James Corden spoofed Kanye West’s “Fade” video, which premiered the night before at the MTV Video Music Awards. (In case you missed it, the video features a sports-bra-and-thong-wearing Teyana Taylor dancing around the gym, “Flashdance”-style.)
As he’s wont to do, Corden placed himself in the video for the sake of comedy. And, well, it was worth it. In the clip, the late-night host tries to mind his own business while doing some bicep curls, but he’s too distracted by Taylor’s dance moves.
“Do you mind?” he asks her, of course receiving no response. “It’s sort of a public gym. We all have to work out in the same [place].”
When he realizes Taylor just won’t quit, he asks her to at least “dial it down” a bit, again with no response. He even gets sprayed with a mixture of her body oil and sweat.
“It feels like you’re ramping up, if anything,” he says. “It feels like you’ve ramped up.”
Corden’s breaking point comes at the end, once Taylor morphs into a human-cat hybrid surrounded by sheep.
“Guys, it could not be clearer. Read the sign, OK? A lot of us only joined this gym because of its zero-sheep policy,” he says. “Cat-face is fine, but these have got to go.”
Watch the whole video above.
James Corden Inserts Himself Into Kanye West’s ‘Fade’ Video For Most Awkward Workout Ever
Whether it’s breakfast or the movie “Footloose,” Bacon just makes everything better.
Actor Kevin Bacon kept that trend going on “The Tonight Show” on Monday. The actor, who’s in a real-life band with his brother, broke out his Tom Petty impression and revealed the song “Free Fallin’” used to be way different.
It turns out the song was originally all about horses. Basically, every other line Bacon/Petty sings is about horses, and just when you think he’s going to do something different, he horses around some more.
If Bacon hasn’t gone hoarse, he might still be singing about horses now.
Would you want to miss that? The answer is “neigh.”
“The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET on NBC.
Kevin Bacon Horses Around During His Tom Petty Impression
Jimmy Kimmel addressed Britney Spears’ suspected lip-syncing Monday after her appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards. Many believe that oops, she did it again in her performance of “Make Me” at Sunday’s ceremony, so Kimmel spoke out.
But in addressing this “serious issue” on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” Kimmel’s earnest words didn’t quite match his mouth. Oh, wait — was Kimmel, you know ... ?
Hey, it’s show business. And why stop the monologue while you’re drinking water or being fed grapes?
Check out Britney’s performance and judge for yourself:
Jimmy Kimmel Cleverly Mocks Britney Spears' Suspected VMAs Lip-Syncing
Seth Meyers took a hilarious look at how the presidential candidates are preparing for the upcoming debates on Monday.
The “Late Night” host explored in amusing detail how Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and her Republican rival Donald Trump are getting ready for the televised showdowns.
“The presidential campaign has settled into something of an equilibrium, but there’s still at least one X factor that could change everything and that’s the debates,” said Meyers.
Clinton was making sure she was ready by brushing up on the facts and evidence, Meyers quipped. Trump, however, was sticking to his trusted “I know what you are, but what am I?” strategy, he added.
Check it out in the clip above.
Editor’s note: Donald Trump regularly incites political violence and is a serial liar, rampant xenophobe, racist, misogynist and birther who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims — 1.6 billion members of an entire religion — from entering the U.S.
Seth Meyers Hilariously Explores Clinton And Trump's Debate Preparations
Donald Trump’s personal physician gave Seth Meyers an exclusive diagnosis on his patient on Monday. Kind of.
The “Late Night” host conducted a hilarious spoof interview with someone posing as Dr. Harold Bernstein, in which the doctor repeated the real gastroenterologist’s claims that the GOP presidential candidate “couldn’t be healthier.”
“He’s got perfect brain pressure and his chlorophyll is very low,” the parody version of Bernstein told Meyers ― before commenting on Trump’s mental health, his testicles and the real reasons as to why it only took him five minutes to write the former reality TV personality’s now-infamous medical report.
Check it out in the clip above.
Editor’s note: Donald Trump regularly incites political violence and is a serial liar, rampant xenophobe, racist, misogynist and birther who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims — 1.6 billion members of an entire religion — from entering the U.S.
Seth Meyer's Spoof Interview With Donald Trump's Doctor Will Make You Feel Better
In a touching tribute to Gene Wilder on Monday night, “The Late Late Show” host James Corden remembered the time the legendary comedic actor rejected an offer to appear on his show.
Wilder, who died Sunday at age 83, once came to see Corden in a play. Afterwards, he spent a half-hour in the dressing room inquiring about how Corden and his family were adjusting to New York City.
Corden later asked Wilder to appear on the first episode of “The Late Late Show” in a “Willy Wonka” sketch. Although Wilder turned down the request, he still managed to make a giant impression on Corden.
“In the history of people saying no to things, it couldn’t have been nicer,” said Corden, who called the email Wonka-like and “so poetic.”
Watch above for Wilder’s magical response.
h/t Uproxx
James Corden Recalls Gene Wilder's Sweet, Willy Wonka-Like Rejection
Stephen Colbert mocked former Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) over his latest scandal in a pun-tastic penis-themed monologue on Monday.
“The Late Show” host ridiculed Weiner, who was again caught sexting a woman who wasn’t his wife, the New York Post reported. The beleaguered politician is now separating from his wife Huma Abedin, a top aide to Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton.
“August is a notoriously slow news month, and it can be hard for me to find stuff to talk about,” said Colbert. “Fortunately, something popped up: Anthony Weiner.”
Check it out in the clip above.
Stephen Colbert Thanks Anthony Weiner For Making His Job Much EasierThe late Gilda Radner and Gene Wilder had a special kind of love.
The “Saturday Night Live” star and “Willy Wonka” actor met on the set of 1982’s “Hanky Panky,” directed by Sidney Poitier. After marrying in 1984, Radner and Wilder were attached at the hip.
The two’s marriage was cut tragically short when Radner died from ovarian cancer five years later. Wilder maintained that his wife had a wonderful sense of humor up until her death, telling People that she would shout at her cancer cells as her classic “SNL” character, Roseanne Roseannadanna, saying, “Hey, what are you trying to do in here? Make me sick?’’
While remembering his late wife in a personal essay for the magazine years ago, Wilder said that her untimely death still affected him.
“If I need to cry or think a little bit, I’ll go over to the cemetery where she is buried to make sure the tree our friends planted is doing well and the grounds are kept up,” the actor said. “I think one of the things that would make Gilda happiest is if Sparkle, her Yorkshire terrier, pee-peed right on top of her grave. One for Mama. She’d laugh.”
Wilder died late Sunday at age 83 due to complications from Alzheimer’s disease.
In honor of the Hollywood funny couple, take a look back at some of their sweetest moments together:
AP
Comedian Gilda Radner, left, and Gene Wilder, kiss for photographers in this photograph following their private wedding ceremony, 1984, France.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Sidney Poitier, left, gestures on August 26, 1981 in Boston while speaking with Gene Wilder and Gilda Radner, two of the stars of "Traces," a comedy currently being filmed in several locations in Boston. This scene is taking place at the Commonwealth Pier.
Kypros via Getty Images
Actor Gene Wilder and his wife, actress and comedian Gilda Radner (1946 - 1989), circa 1987.
AP
Gilda Radner and Gene Wilder are shown in New York City in June 1982.
Getty Images
Gene Wilder and Gilda Radner.
Getty Images
Gene Wilder, Dom DeLuise and Gilda Radner in a scene from the film "Haunted Honeymoon," 1986.
Getty Images
American actor Gene Wilder and his wife Gilda Radner (1946 - 1989) attend the premiere of the film, "Hannah And Her Sisters," directed by Woody Allen, 1986.
This weekend, Mark Zuckerberg met with Pope Francis to discuss new ways to connect the people of the world, “alleviate poverty, encourage a culture of encounter, and to communicate a message of hope, especially to the most disadvantaged.”
It would be nearly impossible to get into a meeting like that, but miraculously we were able to find out a few things the two spoke about.
Pope Francis asked Zuckerberg where he has to stick his “thumbs up” to get Google Fiber in the Vatican.
Mark Zuckerberg presented a list of major websites that depend on Facebook sharing, then asked the Pope if he really wants to play God.
Zuckerberg asked the Pope if MySpace went to Heaven or Hell.
Pope Francis asked how Facebook knows he was just looking at those heart-shaped Fred Flare sunglasses!
The Pope wanted a Pope Hat emoji for Messenger so people know “things about to get cray cray.”
Yes, Chelsea Handler is still happy that she’s not married and sans children.
It’s this theme of singlehood and independence that Handler continues to stress on her new Netflix show, “Chelsea.” And she drove the point home during a Facebook livestream with HuffPost’s Alyona Minkovski last week, when one viewer commented, “You’re the reason that I’m not getting married or reproducing. Kids really aren’t that great. You’re right.” Handler said, “Good for you.”
“Being fiercely independent is something that is very admirable,” the comedian said. “I think that people tell us we have to get married and again, it’s like talking about the format of a TV show. People say you have to get [married]. Why? Who decided that? Why do we have to do that? I live a full life. I can’t imagine my life being any better than it is and that’s because I didn’t listen to people telling me that I needed to get married.”
Despite the chorus of petulant naysayers who’ve told her she intimidates men or that “men don’t understand girls like you,” it’s not something she’s willing to change.
“Men are intimidated by me, but what am I supposed to do? I’m not going to pretend I’m somebody else,” Handler said. “I think by being intimidating, you’re weeding out the people that were never going to be good matches for you anyway.”
Watch the full interview with the comedian below:
Chelsea Handler Doesn't Care If Men Are Intimidated By Her
Bob Ross, patron saint of happy little trees, harbored a deep, dark secret. He loved clouds. He loved streams. He loved squirrels. But he did not love his hairdo.
Nope. That spherical helmet of coiled locks, the one that rested atop his head each and every episode of “The Joy of Painting”? He hated it. He hated every twist and turn his tresses took. But what’s even more shameful (but, let’s be real, very obvious) about his hair hatred? Those curls he loathed aren’t even real.
He ― gasp! ― had a perm. Cue origin story:
As NPR tells it, Ross ― freshly retired from the Air Force ― was in the midst of a career transition when he settled on his very specific hairstyle. He’d yet to break into the hard and fast industry of televised painting instruction and was a little tight on cash. So, acting according to some mighty questionable logic, he got a perm in order to avoid ever having to pay for a haircut again.
“He got this bright idea that he could save money on haircuts. So he let his hair grow, he got a perm, and decided he would never need a haircut again,” Ross’ former business partner Annette Kowalski explained to NPR.
Like most hair-related decisions, Ross came to regret his chemically-treated ‘do. Alas, before he could change it, that murky brown globe became his signature look. So much so that his company decided to use it in its logo. As a result, “he could never, ever, ever change his hair, and he was so mad about that,” Kowalski said.
Let us take a moment of silence to remember the perm that might never have been. Because a show starring this guy ― reciting the words, “You can do anything you want to do. This is your world.” ― just wouldn’t have been the same:
John Oliver should write all Hollywood films going forward. Agreed?
While his HBO series “Last Week Tonight” is on hiatus for the next few weeks, Oliver has offered up a web exclusive aimed at the monotony of recent superhero movies.
In the 4-minute clip, he goes onto explain that fans of the genre are beginning to experience what he describes as superhero fatigue. The same climactic ending battles, threat of human extinction, lackluster villains and incoherent plotting have all started to feel a bit routine, so maybe it’s time for the old standards to hand over the reins to a new hero. No, not you, Aquaman.
Instead, the late-night host pitched a new character by the name of Johnny Strong, a creation he came up with in fifth grade.
“By day, he is mild-mannered fifth-grader John Olivier — no relation — but from the time school lets out until dinner he becomes the, let’s say, unconventionally handsome hero Johnny Strong,” Oliver says in the clip.
“Johnny Strong is a kick-ass hero with a bad attitude. He’s seen a boob, and he knows what the F-word is. He intrepidly battles villains such as Doc Bedtime,” he says. “And of course there’s the dreaded Mrs. Thomas, the clarinet teacher.”
“Last Week Tonight with John Oliver” returns on Sept. 25.
John Oliver Has The Antidote To Your Post-'Suicide Squad' Superhero Woes
